Consistent bedtime

May 10, 2012 By Leave a Comment

By Bethany Lynch, TheGracefulMom.com

Bedtime is one of the main sleep issues that parents struggle with in children. The problems range from developmental disturbances and nap-related disturbances to summer activities. Occasionally, it is also a temptation to relax the bedtime routine out of guilt.

Source: Nerissa's Ring

As a working mom, having a consistent bedtime has been a lifesaver…one of my top tips. However, it is often tempting to be much more permissive about bedtime and blame it on not getting enough quality time with our kids.

Permissiveness leads to inconsistency.

Letting my kids stay up late out of guilt is not quality time for me or for them. I am a much better mom by having well-rested children, and they love having a well-rested mom. We also make few exceptions.
Some, yes, but not many. We have left parties early, sent strict notes to the grandparents, and put a lot of effort into establishing an efficient routine.

Here is how we did it:

  • Stick to the plan. Once bedtime routine starts, there is hardly any variation. Ours is brush teeth, pajamas, pick/read a book, say prayers, sing a song, tuck in, lights out, door closed.
  • Establish consequences for purposely not obeying the bedtime routine. The first consequence is losing the privilege of picking the book. The
    second consequence is losing the privilege of reading a book. Last would be going straight to bed the second pjs are on, but rarely, if ever, have we gotten to that point.
  • Make bedtime a priority. I usually start picking or guiding activities about 15-30 minutes before our bedtime routine starts. For
    example, if bathtime runs long, then any TV time before bed is either eliminated or cut short. We also aim to be home before bedtime and
    carefully choose activities that will not compete with getting home close to bedtime.
  • Do not over-analyze bedtime difficulties. It is very common for toddlers to have bedtime disruptions around 2 years old and again when
    naptime needs to be shortened. I have been there, and I tried everything. It almost always comes back to staying consistent. See #1!
  • Cherish the routine and make it work. If bathtime takes too long every night, try every other night or 3 nights a week. If you have a
    special family event, do not be a slave to the routine. That is the beauty of the -wise series…flexibility when you need it. I have also
    had some of the best conversations ever with my children during bedtime. Some nights I stay for extra kisses, cuddles, and questions. My son also knows that once the door is closed, it stays closed. My daughter with SPD sometimes gets a 2nd check if she has an extremely hard time soothing herself.

Start as you mean to go on and know that bedtime can be enjoyable for everyone!

Filed Under: prevention Tagged With: , , ,

What I’m Reading: “Bringing Up Bebe,” The Pause

May 2, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Technically, I’m done reading Bringing Up Bebe, but there’s so much to discuss! Today, I’ll talk about “la pause” or “the pause.” Essentially, it’s the idea of allowing a baby to self-soothe, pausing before intervening. Now, this blog isn’t really intended for parents of babies, but this idea applies across the board. It’s all about giving children the freedom to gain independence.

For babies, this means not intervening the minute they cry. For starters, by rushing in and picking up the baby every time he makes a peep, the parent could unintentionally wake the baby. But there’s more:

“Another reason for pausing is that baies wake up between their sleep cycles, which last about two hours. [I've noticed sleep cycles can be as short as 35 minutes, particularly at nap time.] It’s normal for them to cry a bit when they’re first learning to connect these cycles. If a parent automatically interprets this cry as a demand for food or a sign of distress and rushes in to soothe the baby, the baby will have a hard time learning to connect the cycles on his own. That is, he’ll need an adult to come in and soothe him back to sleep at the end of each cycle,” (Bringing Up Bebe, p. 45).

By not pausing when a baby wakes up, we end up teaching them to wake up at every sleep cycle and depend on mom and dad for middle-of-the-night soothing.

“It’s suddenly clear to me that Alison, the marketing expert whose son fed every two hours for six months, wasn’t handed a baby with weird sleep needs. She unwittingly taught him to need a feed at the end of every two-hour sleep cycle. Alison wasn’t just catering to her son’s demands. Despite her best intentions, she was creating those demands,” (Bringing Up Bebe, p. 47).

Does this relate to older children? Absolutely! It’s all about using your power as a parent, through whatever technique, to teach our children to become independent. Whether you learn to pause when your little one is a baby or don’t learn to do so until he’s 5, it’s serves as an important philosophical parenting decision. Understand that coddling a child doesn’t do him any good. He will need to assert independence at some point in life, and the earlier he does so, the more capable he’ll be.

“Behind this is an important philosophical difference. French parents believe it’s their job to gently teach babies how to sleep well, the same way they’ll later teach them to have good hygiene, eat balanced meals, and ride a bike. They don’t view being up half the night with an eight-month-old as a sign of parental commitment. They view it as a sign that the child has a sleep problem and that his family is wildly out of balance. When I describe Alison’s case to Frenchwomen, they say it’s ‘impossible’–both for the child and his mother,” (Bringing Up Bebe, p. 48).

And don’t discount the importance of sleep in older children. Good sleep habits begin in infancy.

“There’s growing evidence that young children who don’t sleep enough, or who have disturbed sleep, can suffer from irritability, aggressiveness, hyperactivity, and poor impulse control, and can have trouble learning and remembering things. They are more prone to accidents, their metabolic and immune functions are weakened, and their overall quality of life diminishes. And sleep problems that begin in infancy can persist for many years,” (Bringing Up Bebe, p. 50).

So whether your ultimate goal is establishing good sleep habits or teaching independence, be sure to wait–to pause–before intervening.

Filed Under: parenting philosophy, what I'm reading Tagged With: , ,

Are you the opponent, teammate, spectator, or coach?

April 30, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Source: soccerfieldss.com

In every sport there are the opponents, teammates, spectators, and coaches. Imagine your life as a sporting event. What role do you play? Are you the opponent, teammate, spectator, or coach?

If you’ve read my blog for any length of time, you likely know what the answer should be, but let’s examine them all.

The opponent

When it is the parent’s job to monitor the child’s actions, attitudes, and beliefs, it is far too easy to become the child’s opponent. In many ways, you have differing attitudes and goals. With opposing viewpoints, you become the opponent.

Particularly in power struggles, specifically a “battle of wills,” it is easy for the parent to take on an opposing stance, thus becoming the opponent.

My husband and I have fallen into this trap, establishing an attitude of “us vs. them” or “parents vs. children” in our home. Do not become your child’s opponent. You will quickly find yourselves at odds, and you stack the deck against yourselves. Coming to an agreement on attitudes and beliefs with a child who sees you as his opponent is difficult to say the least.

The teammate

The Ezzos and I take a very firm stance that not only is the child not to be the center of the home, but more than this, the child is not to stand on equal footing with the parent. The child is not the parent’s friend or peer. Parents must hold a position of authority over the child. Parents must avoid establishing a democracy in the home.

As your child’s teammate, you are not his opponent, but you lack the authority to guide and direct his actions and attitudes. Imagine two teammates on a soccer field. They work together toward the same objective, passing the ball between each other to get the ball in the net. But neither player has the authority to direct the other’s actions.

The spectator

No professional sporting even can exist without its fans. But let me assure you, there are no spectators in the sport of parenting. Children need parents to actively participate in their lives, not stand back and watch. I have discussed the importance of preventing behavior problems in our children. If you act as a spectator, you are essentially waiting to see how your child will behave. You are then left to deal with behavior problems after they happen. If you find yourself in a spectator role, stand up and join the game.

The coach

If this was your guess, you’re right. You want to be your child’s coach. You are your child’s teacher, even after you have sent him off to school. You hold authority over your child to train him, teach him, hold him to a standard (hopefully a high one), set limits, redirect or correct him when problems arise, stand in support of the child, and offer encouragement and praise where it’s due.

Evaluate your role

Take a minute to step back and evaluate your role in the game of life. If you see yourself as your child’s opponent, teammate, or spectator, take that as your cue to work on your relationship. Change your course and do all that you can to solidify your position as your child’s coach in life.

Filed Under: parenting philosophy Tagged With: , ,

Stop behavior problems before they happen

April 27, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Source: measamother.com

One of the most important considerations in parenting is prevention. I cannot stress enough how much prevention can save your sanity and induce compliance in your child.

“Prevention is the best form of correction,” (On Becoming Childwise).

There are several parenting tactics that allow you to prevent behavior problems before they happen. Some of these tactics include:

As important all of these factors are–and, make no mistake, they are important–there is one factor that really drives prevention: freedoms. Avoid trouble by limiting access to items that aren’t within the child’s realm of responsibility (like the markers in the photo above).

I discussed the idea of having your child ask for permission. That’s one way to limit a child’s freedoms. As you go about your day, think through possible freedoms your child has (or takes on his own) that could be getting him into trouble.

“You should continually evaluate what you allow your child to do and whether those freedoms are appropriate considering his age, understanding, and abilities. Are you giving him inappropriate freedoms?

Let freedoms be handed out carefully as the child demonstrates contentment with your authority and responsibility in previous freedoms given. Granting freedoms consistent with a child’s level of self-control equals developmental harmony.

Freedoms come gradually: from the playpen, to the backyard, to the neighborhood, to the world at large. As your child demonstrates responsible behavior and sound judgment, he earns another level of freedom. This type of training results in a child who is a joy to everyone and who has achieved a sense of affirmation within himself,” (On Becoming Childwise).

What more could we want? Make sure your child’s freedoms are equal to his level of responsibility (not his age), and always focus on prevention. As always, if behavior problems are avoided altogether, that’s less disciplining and correcting that you need to do.

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What habits are you teaching your child?

April 25, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Source: trainingforwarriors.com

What habits does your child have? Typically, when we think of habits, we think of negative ones. But positive habits are just as important. The key is realizing that we, as parents, have great control over our children’s habits. The way we treat their behaviors (good or bad) serves to teach a lesson about those habits.

Here are some scenarios you might see in your home.

Good habits

  • You require that your child take his dishes to the kitchen after every meal. You send him back if you see he’s forgotten.
  • After every play time, you make sure he puts toys away where they belong (not just in any old bin).
  • You teach him how to properly brush his teeth and every now and then you pay close attention to make sure he’s doing it right.
  • You have a morning routine that includes putting clothes in the hamper, making his bed, brushing teeth, picking up any leftover toys.

I’d say if you do all of these things, you are well on your way to instilling great habits. If all of these habits are solidly under your belt, think about what more you could do.

Alternatively, think about some of the bad habits that may be going on in your home.

Bad habits

  • Your child tends to throw mini-tantrums over minor battles, but you decide to ignore them, hoping they’ll go away. (They won’t.)
  • You let your child ride a bike or scooter without a helmet. You think just once won’t hurt him, and that “just once” has turned into several times a week.
  • When he snatches a toy from his baby sister, you intervene by giving the baby a new toy. This teaches nothing to the older child about sharing.
  • You stifle laughter at some of his bad manners and potty jokes. That laughter only serves to encourage him, no matter how much you stifle it.
  • You’re lax about TV time, perhaps thinking that as soon as the baby sleeps through the night, you’ll fix it. Next thing you know, he can’t go a day without watching several hours of TV.
  • You’re inconsistent about hygiene issues like teeth-brushing, washing hands before meals, washing hands after going potty, etc.

Try to be honest with yourself if you see any of these (or other) bad habits creeping up in your home. But don’t be hard on yourself. We’re all human. A mixture of good and bad habits will naturally develop. It’s important to recognize the good ones for what they are, and do all we can to overcome the bad ones. Then always be on the lookout for new bad habits and new opportunities to teach good habits.

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What I’m Reading: “Bringing Up Bebe,” The American Question

March 26, 2012 By 2 Comments

Bringing Up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting by Pamela Druckerman is a fascinating book. I offered a summary here, but after starting the book, I couldn’t put it down! It’s a great read.

Today, I’ll discuss the author’s take on American parents’ tendency to push their children through milestones. Here’s an excerpt:

“In the 1960s, the Swiss psychologist Jean Piaget came to America to share his theories on the stages of children’s development. After each talk, someone in the audience typically asked him what he began calling The American Question. It was: How can we speed these stages up?

Piaget’s answer was: Why would you want to do that? He didn’t think that pushing kids to acquire skills ahead of schedule was either possible or desirable. He believed that children reach these milestones at their own speeds, driven by their own motors.

The American Question sums up an essential difference between French and American parents. We Americans assign ourselves the job of pushing, stimulating, and carrying our kids from one developmental stage to the next. The better we are at parenting, we think, the faster our kids will develop….

French parents just don’t seem so anxious for their kids to get head starts. They don’t push them to read, swim, or do math ahead of schedule. They aren’t trying to prod them into becoming prodigies,” (Bringing Up Bebe, p. 80).

I wholeheartedly agree with Piaget and French parents here. Kids need to take their own time to reach developmental milestones. And things can get tricky when a parent interferes with that natural progression.

The first year, babies are learning how to eat, sleep, move and babble. At age two, toddlers are beginning to understand their place in the world and assert some independence. At age three, most children still do parallel play, and much of their play is imaginative. At age four, the imaginative play still guides them, and it does so as they become more social. At age five, kids start school and begin the job of learning.

Parental interference can take many forms. Some parents encourage their babies to walk early by holding them up or allowing baby to hold the parents’ fingers while “walking.” This could potentially rob the child of the bi-lateral integration that happens with the crisscross movement involved in crawling.

Some parents attempt to speed up the learning process by teaching abstract academics (math or reading) to a three-year-old. When a child is taught that the world has abstract rights and wrongs, imaginative play takes a back seat. This could rob the child of creativity or even the ability to think critically.

Some parents sign their children up for activity after activity. When a four-year-old child spends more time in the car than on the playground, he doesn’t learn crucial social skills that happen at this age.

When it comes to my own kids, I think that I have allowed this natural progression. I have talked about William’s academic abilities, but he sets that pace, not me. At age two, he started taking an interest in learning his letters, but as soon as he hit age three and started playing imaginatively, that interest in letters came to a screeching halt. At age 7, school is his job, and our only extracurricular activities are piano and occupational therapy. Otherwise, he plays.

For Lucas, I follow his lead. It is only recently (almost 4.5 years old) that he’s shown interest in academics. The Leapfrog Letter Factory video is his favorite. At the same time, he plays very imaginatively with his brother and with friends at school. Learning social skills is definitely his focus, and the job of learning is starting to emerge. He has one extracurricular activity, a “sports sampler” class. We don’t do it because I expect him to become some sports prodigy. We do it because he loves it.

How naturally do your kids hit their milestones? Do you let your child set the pace or do you try to speed things up a bit?

Filed Under: parenting philosophy, what I'm reading Tagged With: , , ,

Are you the parent you want to be?

March 23, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Source: tnspdg.com

As I discussed in my last post, there are many times I want to be a permissive parent, but I know that realistically, I can’t be. I take comfort in what the Ezzos have taught me and aside from a few minor tweaks I could make, I know that I am the parent I want to be.

How about you? Are you the parent you want to be? Do you enjoy your children? Do other people enjoy your children?

I think it’s important to take a step back and reflect on our parenting every now and then. Understand the characteristics of permissiveness vs. legalism. Think about both the big picture and your day-to-day lives.

Ask yourself about your children:

  • Do they seem happy and content or argumentative and stressed out?
  • Are they learning everything you’d like them to learn?
  • Are they responsible and independent, or do they rely on you too much?
  • Do they respect your authority or consistently talk back and defy you?
  • When you think of your children 5-10 years from now, do you like what you see?

Ask yourself about yourself:

  • Do you enjoy being around your children?
  • Do you take every opportunity to be away from them (or turn on the TV)?
  • Are you happy and content around them, or are you a stressed-out yeller?
  • Do other people think you’re too strict or too permissive?
  • Do you take the time to teach them what you want them to learn?
  • Do you do so happily and lovingly, or do you do nothing but lecture, guilt and nag?
  • Are you able to command respect, or do you avoid taking a position of authority?
  • Do you put in the work it takes to train your children? Do you realize that it takes work?
  • Do you blame your child for his misdeeds, or do you look to yourself first?
  • Do you have a plan for what to do when things go sideways?
  • Are you able to balance discipline with love, encouragement and fun?

These are just a few questions you can ask yourself. If you don’t like the answers, do what it takes to become the parent you want to be. Parenting starts with parents. So if you don’t like what you see, you have the power to change.

Do it now before it’s too late. As trite as this sounds, our children grow up too fast. It would be sad to look back 10 years from now and realize that you didn’t enjoy 80% of those years. Vow to yourself that you will enjoy your children and become the parent it takes to get yourselves there. I can’t think of anything more important. So do whatever it takes.

Filed Under: parenting philosophy Tagged With: ,

Parenting: It’s all about attitude

March 19, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Source: howtolearn.com

Your attitude as a parent is what defines the type of parent you are. Attitude is also one of the key components of any child trained in first-time obedience. It’s important to understand that both the parent’s and child’s attitudes must be in the right place.

Before working on first-time obedience training, mom and dad must work on their own attitudes. Establishing authority and requiring respect must form the basis of all parenting.

“Teaching children to respect and honor their parents is basic to teaching them how to show respect for others. It starts with the parents,” (Growing Kids God’s Way, p. 92).

There are three important parenting attitude types to consider:

  • Threatening, repeating parent
  • Permissive parent
  • Authoritarian parent

The threatening, repeating parent
Beware of the threatening, repeating parent syndrome. This represents the antithesis of first-time obedience. As you can imagine, threatening and repeating parents do everything but require a high standard of obedience. The threatening, repeating parent yells at the child to get his attention, repeats himself at every turn and spouts empty threats. These parents flip-flop between letting behaviors go and yelling when they get to be too much.

The permissive parent
Permissive parents are guided by laziness and fear. They tend to let their children do as they please because they are fearful of damaging the child’s self-esteem, fearful of the child’s inability to obey, fearful of losing their child’s friendship, fearful of imposing boundaries, fearful of being as strict as their own parents were. Many permissive parenting households are run very democratically with the child’s opinions being weighted just as highly as the parents’ (if not more so). In permissive parenting circles, the word “obey” is considered a four-letter word.

The authoritarian parent
Authoritarian parents are guided by the principles, “Do a I say, not as I do,” “Because I said so,” and “Children are to be seen and not heard.” Authority and obedience are the name of the game. There’s nothing wrong with authority and obedience, but the authoritarian parent takes it to the extreme and refuses to understand that love and encouragement are just as important. Legalism, not balance, guide the authoritarian parent. These parents stick to the letter of the law no matter what. The child’s needs and desires aren’t considered. These parents also fail to realize that you cannot treat a teenager like a toddler. The relationship falls apart (if it was ever there to begin with), and the teenager rebels and wants nothing to do with his parents.

Find the balance
If you follow the Ezzos’ teachings, you will command respect like the authoritarian parent, but you will also choose your battles like the permissive parent. You will have the strength to warn your children of discipline, but you won’t spout empty threats like the threatening, repeating parent. Like the permissive parent, you will consider your relationship and self-esteem, but you won’t let fear guide your parenting. Like the authoritarian parent, you will teach your children to respect your word, but you will also be fair when your child respectfully disagrees.

All this week, I’ll discuss this idea a bit more so you can make sure you are finding the right balance in your parenting attitude.

Filed Under: first-time obedience, parenting philosophy Tagged With: , , , , ,

Dads are parents too

March 14, 2012 By Leave a Comment

New Daddy

It’s Babywise Blog Network Week! All week, we’ll be featuring blog posts from other Babywise-friendly blogs. The schedule is as follows:

·     Monday: Valerie Plowman, Chronicles of a Babywise Mom 
·     Tuesday: Maureen Monfore, Childwise Chat 
·     Wednesday: Hank Osborne, Daddy Life
·     Thursday: Rachel Rowell, My Baby Sleep Guide
·     Friday: Bethany Lynch, The Graceful Mom 

Help us promote solidarity within the Babywise/Ezzo community by subscribing to these blogs.

______________________________________

By Hank Osborne from DaddyLife.net

There is no greater calling for a man than that of being a husband and then a father. Dad has a responsibility to love, protect, and provide for the family. The Daddy Life podcast and blog was created to help dads fulfill those responsibilities and more. The choices a dad makes directly affect the future of the family, the community, the nation, and the world. Our society often portrays parenting to be a spectator sport for dads. This is unfortunate and yet is too often an accurate description. Some kids grow up with their dads not even being fans of parenting at all given the overwhelming evidence available as listed in The Father Factor. It doesn’t have to be this way and it shouldn’t. Parenting works best as a team sport rather than as a solo sport or a tag-team sport.

If you read enough material authored by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo you will learn very fast that they put a premium on the husband-wife relationship. Mr. Ezzo goes as far as to say that you will only be as good of a parent as you are a spouse. I agree with this and encourage you to work to keep your marriage strong. This will be a great live demonstration for your children while also keeping you and your spouse tuned in to each other during this parenting journey and for when your children are grown.

There are some other things that dads in particular need to be intentional about that will help him maintain his role as a key player in parenting. The following are four out of the eight items that Gary Ezzo calls The Father’s Mandate:

1. A father must give his children the freedom to fail. Your children need the freedom to fail–in front of dad. So many adults are haunted by the fact that they feel like they could never live up to their dad’s expectations. Achievement and relationships are areas that every person will experience failure. Dad’s job is to help them find the good in those failures so their kids can learn and move on.

2. A father must be the encourager of the family. We’re not just talking about encouraging words but a spirit of encouragement. Dads can leave little notes for the kids in their lunch boxes telling them you love and are thinking about them. Dads can write a letter each year on their child’s birthday telling them how much the child means to them. How many of us wish we had just one single letter like this from our dads? Ladies, remind your husbands about this one!

3. A father must guard his tongue and his tone and learn to measure his response against the excitement on their faces. Mr. Ezzo does such a great job explaining this one. In Daddy Life podcast episode 17 I included a clip of him telling a story about how he learned the importance of this mandate in his own home. It had to do with the 1980s and his wife and daughters getting “perms” for the first time. I promise, you will laugh out loud at this one. Dads and moms need think before they speak. Keep in mind that your kids might be trying to be helpful. They might be following instructions given by the other parent. Try to understand the context of the situation before responding too quickly.

4. A father must routinely embrace his children. This sounds so simple, but it can be difficult, particularly for some dads who are not the hugging type. Mom’s hugs most often provide a feeling of comfort and love. Dad’s hugs deliver feelings of security and safety. Dads of girls need to be sure they do not change how they treat their daughters in this area when their bodies begin to mature. Don’t be afraid of your girls just because their bodies are changing. Continue to show them love in the same way, otherwise you might be setting them up to look for that safety and security in someone else’s arms. I recently had a guest (Stacy Ratliff) on the Daddy Life podcast. He is the father of three teen girls and he reemphasized this one during the interview.

So those are some of the macro-level things for dads and even moms to work on. I want to wrap this post up with a short scenario and some tips to help dads remain a team player in the parenting journey on a day-to-day basis.

These are the ways I’ve learned over the years to help me become more of a team player.

Do your Couch Time! – Yes it IS that important.

If dad has a job situation that allows for occasional calls from mom, then show an interest and give your wife the freedom to call when she needs input from you. This is a way to engage in the game of life with your wife and children when needed. Occasionally things have happened that prompted my wife to call me at work during the day to ask my opinion on how to respond. It might have been a behavior issue, a feeding/nursing problem, or even a health issue that she wanted a different perspective on before taking action. It makes me feel valuable when she truly wants my input in a problem area. My wife is in the trenches solo from the time she gets up until I get home in the evening. She has found herself in situations where she couldn’t see the forest because of the trees. My wife knows that she can call me. Dads should be willing to take these calls.

We have learned from the Ezzos to be thinking parents, and to do this effectively as a team we need to agree to a game plan. That means we need to regularly communicate so that neither of us are making important decisions in a vacuum and we are both working off of the same game plan. Call your wife on the way home from work. This helps you to know what your wife is working on with each of your kids and what the issues of the day might be. Mom sometimes needs to alter the game plan a little to work on a specific behavior issue and dad can undo all the ground that has been gained in that area by giving different consequences (or none at all) when he comes home. Know what the issues are, what encouragement or discipline is being used, and be ready to reinforce it when you get home.

Choose what you listen to on the way home carefully. It should be something that would help you transition out of your workday. Also be ready to turn your work off so to speak. This may require a few minutes at home to change clothes and regroup before fully engaging with your wife and the kids. Let your wife know what you need when you come through the door at the end of the day.

Be fully involved. Pick a single sport game to watch during the weekend and then turn off the TV. If you like to watch a sport with your kid(s) then record it and watch it with your child later when you can fast forward through the commercials. If you are anything like me you don’t want your little ones watching commercials for Hardees’s, Victoria Secret, or GoDaddy just to name a few.

Take a child with you when running errands. My oldest is beginning to realize that riding along to the big box store is not always the most fun for him, but the younger ones don’t care what you are doing with them as long as you are together. My oldest is getting to a point where he wants to have input into what we do when we spend time one-on-one.

Take care of all of the kids solo. Let your wife go out for a day or even a weekend. You will not do things perfect and the house might be a wreck by the time the weekend is over, but give your wife a break. Walk a day in her shoes. You will get a whole new appreciation for the job she performs while you are off “killing it and dragging it home”. You will gain a whole new level of respect from your wife by even attempting this one. Call in a grandparent for reinforcements if necessary, but at least give it a try once in a while.

Dads are parents and they should act like it. Be weird. Be different. Be more than just a biological father to your children. Be a Daddy.

Filed Under: parenting philosophy, prevention Tagged With: , ,

Monitor refined sugar

March 5, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Source: getprograde.com

I have mentioned in the past that my eldest, William, has given me a run for my money. In addition to sensory processing disorder and food intolerances, William has unstable blood sugar levels. Essentially, he has undiagnosed hypoglycemia. I’ve heard it is often a symptom of gifted people. The giftedness is great, but the fact remains that we have to deal with the blood sugar instability.

I first started monitoring William’s blood sugar (I’ll tell you how in a bit) in the summer between his two years of pre-K. It was the summer he turned 5. When we went back to school (the same school and same teachers), they were floored by what a different child he was. The previous year, we had figured out the food intolerances, but monitoring his blood sugar made such a huge difference in his behavior. It still does (at age 7.5).

Before, William had extreme blood sugar fluctuations. He’d be bouncing off the walls one minute and on the floor crying for no reason the next. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason behind his “moodiness” and he would flip a switch at the drop of a hat.

Whenever a mom asks for advice with her child, one of the first things I recommend is eliminating food dyes and monitoring the child’s sugar intake. It’s really a no-brainer. If you want your child’s gentle spirit to emerge, you’re not going to get there if he’s hyped up on sugar or food dyes. Besides, they’re simply not healthy!

In fact, sugar can do more than promote tooth decay. There was an article published last April in The New York Times titled, “Is Sugar Toxic?” The following is from the article:

“’I have eliminated refined sugar from my diet and eat as little as I possibly can,’ Thompson told me, ‘because I believe ultimately it’s something I can do to decrease my risk of cancer.’ Cantley put it this way: ‘Sugar scares me.’”

So refined sugar can certainly have negative health effects (including obesity, diabetes, heart disease, certain cancers), but it’s almost indisputable that it negatively affects kids’ behavior.

I have been struggling in the mornings when getting my kids off to school, and finally I realized that sugar is largely to blame! For some reason, so many breakfast foods are high in refined sugar. So I’m cutting it out. My boys are eating plain Cheerios (with a spoonful of peanut butter for extra protein) or non-instant oatmeal sweetened with applesauce.

Understand that refined sugar and high fructose corn syrup have a worse effect than glucose you find in fruit. Fruit comes with fiber, which helps mediate the effect of sugar. And please don’t substitute sugar with chemical alternatives!

How we address blood sugar fluctuations
If you’re noticing odd moodiness in your child (or a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde syndrome) you might need to address blood sugar. There are three components of food that you should concern yourself with: protein, fat and sugar. Balancing the three is important. Here are my rules for managing William’s blood sugar:

  1. He never starts his day with sugar alone. Tiding him over with a few raisins or a banana was a big mistake I realized too late!
  2. He eats 3 healthy meals and one snack at the same times every day.
  3. He starts every meal by eating protein first. If he’s got a plate of chicken, rice and fruit, he has to eat the chicken first.
  4. He never eats sugar without also eating protein. Nuts are a great snack.
  5. We check the protein and sugar content on every label. Plain Cheerios have 3g of protein and 1g of sugar. Awesome! Some yogurts have 12g of sugar and 1g of protein. Not good. Peanut butter has one of the best ratios. It’s usually 8g of protein and 1g of sugar. I’ve taught William to read these labels for himself.
  6. If he ever eats something that is high in sugar and low in protein, I add extra protein. My kids are often seen eating peanut butter off a spoon! I add peanut butter to foods like oatmeal, too.
  7. If he’s eating a meal high in protein and low in sugar, that’s great, but he still needs fat. He’s technically off dairy, but I allow him butter because it’s more important that he gets the fat. Or with a food like lentil soup, I’ll add some olive oil.

Now, do I ever break these rules? Rarely. It’s just not worth it. We’re actually on vacation right now, and it was a really warm day and we thought about getting a treat after a hike (but before lunch). I let him get lemonade, and I have to say his behavior was uncharacteristically hyper! Just the other day, his teacher was saying she’s never seen a child so affected by sugar. It’s true!

If you’re struggling to overcome behavior problems with your child, do all that you can to monitor his blood sugar and cut out refined sugar. It’s a relatively easy thing for you to do and will help ensure that you are dealing with your child’s true, gentle spirit.

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