How To Praise Smart Kids

March 27, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Source: uci.edu

On Monday, I discussed the idea that parenting influences a child’s brain development and that potentially, Babywise parents have an easier time at this because we naturally tend toward establishing structure, self-control, and sleep. But just because we set our kids up for success doesn’t mean life will be smooth sailing. In fact, parents of smarter kids often have a more difficult go at parenting.

But if there’s one thing you need to learn when parenting a smart child, it’s how to offer praise. Praise is important. It encourages our children. It motivates them. It builds their self-esteem. But there’s a right way to praise and a wrong way to praise.

It comes down to this: don’t praise a child for qualities that are beyond his control. Even when you’re amazed by your child’s memory or his early abilities in math or reading, bite your tongue whenever you’re tempted to say, “You’re so smart,” or “You have an amazing memory.”

For praise to hold any weight, it must speak to the child’s effort. Better than praising characteristics, praise his actions. It should sound like this:

• You worked so hard on that puzzle.
• I like how you persevered on that task. Sticking with something when it gets hard is so important.
• I see you chose a more difficult book to read. Nice!
• Your homework tonight was tough. I like that you never got discouraged.
The reason this type of praise is important for smart kids in particular is that life typically comes easy for these kids. They can very easily skate through life. They often don’t have to try hard or learn the meaning of the word perseverance. It’s nice that life will be easy for them, but no child (or adult) will get very far if they never learn the value of hard work.
This idea has been studied and tested. In 2007, Po Bronson wrote an article in New York Magazine about how not to talk to our kids. The article’s subtitle is “the inverse power of praise.” In the article, he discusses the importance of praising a child’s hard work over his innate intelligence:

For the past ten years, psychologist Carol Dweck and her team at Columbia (she’s now at Stanford) studied the effect of praise on students in a dozen New York schools. Her seminal work—a series of experiments on 400 fifth-graders—paints the picture most clearly.

Dweck sent four female research assistants into New York fifth-grade classrooms. The researchers would take a single child out of the classroom for a nonverbal IQ test consisting of a series of puzzles—puzzles easy enough that all the children would do fairly well. Once the child finished the test, the researchers told each student his score, then gave him a single line of praise. Randomly divided into groups, some were praised for their intelligence. They were told, “You must be smart at this.” Other students were praised for their effort: “You must have worked really hard.”

Why just a single line of praise? “We wanted to see how sensitive children were,” Dweck explained. “We had a hunch that one line might be enough to see an effect.”

Then the students were given a choice of test for the second round. One choice was a test that would be more difficult than the first, but the researchers told the kids that they’d learn a lot from attempting the puzzles. The other choice, Dweck’s team explained, was an easy test, just like the first. Of those praised for their effort, 90 percent chose the harder set of puzzles. Of those praised for their intelligence, a majority chose the easy test. The “smart” kids took the cop-out.

So you can see how praise plays a pivotal role in a child’s determination to succeed. No matter how smart, a child can still fail in school if he refuses to do his homework or push himself with the work gets tough. The ability to persevere and work diligently is very possibly more important than innate intelligence.

Filed Under: education, moral training, Uncategorized Tagged With: , ,

Desperate Times

January 18, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Source: naturallysavvy.com

Sometimes desperate times do call for desperate measures. No matter how much we may understand that threatening and repeating tactics will ultimately fail, there are times when we resort to these measures. And that’s ok.

It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the idea that parenting is the most important job we will ever do. When we realize that we truly do have the power to shape our children, it’s easy to set super-high expectations for ourselves. When things go wrong, it’s not pretty. Forgiveness — from ourselves and other moms — doesn’t come easily.

That’s what makes parenting so hard. Yes, it’s an important job. And yes, women are highly critical of each other. While I’d love to ask moms to go a little easier on each other, the least we can do is forgive ourselves.

And the truth of the matter is that sometimes counting to three really works. Sometimes bribing our kids works. And sometimes it’s on the fourth time that we repeat an instruction that we get obedience. If the day has gone horribly wrong, and in the middle of cooking dinner, you realize you’re out of the most critical ingredient, it may be one of those times that you need to bribe the children to obey during a quick trip to the store. It’s better to bribe and maintain emotional stability than to run the risk of being sent over the edge by a child running wild in the produce section.

Besides, there’s a difference between knowing and doing. We may intellectually know how we want to train our children and what behaviors we expect of them, but actually implementing these parenting ideas consistently is a different endeavor entirely. Again, that’s ok.

There’s one crucial thing to remember about this: don’t do it often. Sometimes we need to call upon our most desperate measures, but the other 98% of the time, we need to diligently train our kids in the behaviors and attitudes we expect. If your attempts to train go horribly wrong, it’s probably a clue that you’re using desperate measures a little too often.

But before you even think about criticizing yourself for this, remember that you deserve to be forgiven. You are your harshest critic, so go easy on yourself every now and then.

Filed Under: first-time obedience, moral training, parenting Tagged With: , ,

Find Your Inner Cheerleader

January 16, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Source: fancydressball.co.uk

I’m amazingly fortunate to have a friend who is traveling the homeschooling journey with me. Her kids are slightly older than mine. All four went to the same school together last year. As luck would have it, before the school year was over last year, I took Lucas to a birthday party and overheard another friend say that Missy* was going to homeschool her kids. If there was ever a purpose for those crazy birthday parties, this was it.

I bring this up because Missy is an amazing cheerleader for her kids. She is so excited to be homeschooling her kids, and her excitement is infectious, both to her kids and me! While I’m rethinking my decision to homeschool, she plans to homeschool her kids the whole way through. She loves every minute of it. I think her attitude towards homeschooling completely sets the tone for their days. She is the ultimate cheerleader.

I’ll be the first to admit that I am no cheerleader. I’m a glass-half-empty kind of girl. But recognizing my weakness is the first step to changing it, right? When I face an obstacle with my kids — whether it’s related to school or some behavioral issue — I now ask myself, What would Missy say?

Last night, William was almost done with his math books (yay!) but he had to make a few corrections before we could call it done. After therapy and a quick trip to the mall, we came home and sat down to finish. After he redid a few incorrectly on his own, I realized that I needed to sit down with him and help him through. It was late, we hadn’t eaten dinner, our routine was completely off, there were quite a few corrections to be made, we had a difficult morning, Lucas was off playing, and I wasn’t going to let him go to bed until it was done. It had disaster written all over it. I’m happy to say that with Missy sitting on my shoulder (figuratively, of course), I cheered him through it!

At every turn, I had to stop myself from spouting out something negative and defeating. I then mustered up the most positive thing I could say. I uttered “You can do this!” quite a bit, and while I was going for variety, the repetition didn’t hurt. We even laughed together at some of his crazy incorrect answers. We were in it together, and he got it done!

So if you are struggling with a particular issue with your child — whether it’s a behavioral issue, a difficult chore, homework or anything else — find your inner cheerleader. I once read a quote that said something like, “Who came up with the idea that making our kids feel bad about themselves (through discipline or derision) would make them change their behavior?” It’s so true! If we want them to improve, we need to make them feel good about themselves.

Here are a few negative phrases I’m sure I’ve uttered at some point and their cheerleader alternatives:

1) You’re 5 years old. You should know better. –> You’re such a big boy. I had no idea you were so smart.

2) Come on. You know this. Why can’t you do it? –> You can do this! I believe in you!

3) Please try folding laundry. You may not do it perfectly, but that’s ok. –> I had no idea you were so good at folding laundry! That was really hard! (Refold after the child has gone to bed.)

4) Did you really think that snatching that toy from your brother was a good choice? Really? –> I know you like that toy, and it can be so tempting to take the things you want. But I think your brother would feel better if you asked first. Do you agree? Let’s give it back and find another toy like that one.

5) You were good at riding your bike last time. What happened? Try harder! –> I see your bike-riding skills are a little rusty. That’s okay. It happens to me, too. Let’s keep going and it will get easier.

6) I see you got a good grade on your spelling test. Good. That’s as it should be. –> Wow! You got such a good grade on your spelling test! Let’s put it up on the fridge so Daddy sees it when he gets home!

Try to step outside yourself to listen to how you speak to your child. Honestly evaluate whether you are defeating or lifting up your child. If it’s the former, make it a point to work on it and stop yourself before you utter another negative phrase. Our kids want to please us. Let’s encourage them by making them feel good about doing so.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent. :)

Filed Under: parenting, prevention, Uncategorized Tagged With: ,

Discover and Hone Your Child’s Interests

January 2, 2013 by 1 Comment

Source: oprah.com

If you’re like me, you’re thinking about the coming year and the many activities that are available to our children. In truth, most kids begin their activities in the fall with the start of the school year, but there’s nothing like the fresh start of a new year to ensure we’re following our child’s interests when it comes to their activities.

First of all, let me be upfront with the fact that I am not a proponent of signing kids up for activities just for the sake of keeping them busy. Kids are so busy these days! Let them rest and play after a long day at school, and make family dinners a priority. These early years at home are so important and will do so much more for your child’s social and emotional development than any soccer club or karate class.

With that in mind, step back a minute and assess your child’s activities. Does he have too many? Too few? Most importantly, are they addressing his interests?

I have seen a few soccer games where the kids don’t seem to be having much fun. It often seems like it’s more about the parents and coaches than it is about the children. The same goes for any tutoring or “educational enrichment” classes. Of course, fun probably isn’t the goal there, but nonetheless, assessing the need is key.

The first priority in assessing your child’s activities is to make sure you are discovering and honing his interests. What is your child most interested in? I feel activities need to center around the child’s interests because this is where the child will truly learn. A child forced to join Cub Scouts when his true passion is playing the piano does the child a real disservice.

I’m reminded of the book Outliers by Malcom Gladwell. The author says that to reach true success, it takes a bit of timing and good luck, but also lots of practice. Specifically 10,000 hours, he says. So if our hope is that our child will reach success the likes of Bill Gates, then we must first find what will inspire and guide the child toward greatness. Then we give him the opportunity to get their 10,000 hours in.

Realize that choosing the 10,000-hour activity for the child won’t do any good. The child has to have the inner drive to want to put in all those hours. So if you’re dragging a sporty kid to piano practice and violin lessons, I suspect you’ll be met with great resistance.

William, my oldest, inspires me with his inspiration. He is truly gifted in many things. I will say that we are still defining his one or two interests. His top interest at this point is drawing. In his free time, he writes comic strips. They are very detailed and very funny! I haven’t yet felt the need to sign him up for a drawing class because I’d like to see how this interest morphs on its own, without an outside influence. I cultivate this interest by giving him plenty of time to draw, encouraging him by sharing his drawings and comics with others, and by giving him the materials he needs. I bought him a book for Christmas that gives step-by-step directions for drawing cartoon people!

Another interest of William’s is piano. This kid amazes me with his ear. He learned to play “Deck the Halls” by listening to it in a commercial and pounding it out on the keyboard. We’re taking Suzuki piano lessons, and I love that it teaches him to play by ear, but I have to say, I’m not thrilled with the lessons. I feel like we might benefit more by devoting that time at home on the piano. This remains to be seen.

Lucas, my five-year-old, is my sporty one. The child could throw a perfect spiral with his little football at the age of 3. I have him in a sports class at our homeschool co-op. When we have the time, I’ll sign him up for flag football or t-ball. Beyond sports, we’re still waiting to see what other interests emerge. He takes the same piano lessons William does, but he gets less time on the piano. I’m not sure it’s an interest or talent of his. Besides, at his age, I think imaginative play at home is more important than any activity that I could sign him up for.

As you look ahead to a new year, what interests has your child shown? Are you doing your best to hone those skills with the right amount of outside activities?

Filed Under: education, Uncategorized Tagged With: ,

Remember to Cherish

December 14, 2012 by 3 Comments

Source: favim.com

This beautiful post is written by my friend Charisa. A mom to two young girls, Charisa is great at balancing training and obedience with love and fun. This post is about stopping to smell the roses, even when we’re mired in kid world.

It’s 3:00 in the afternoon and my coffee is already wearing off. It’s too late to brew another cup, but I’m questioning what will hold me until bedtime. I start to ask myself why I didn’t set bedtime for 6:00 instead of 8:00 when they were littler. If I had then I would be two hours closer to putting these little bundles of energy to bed.

It’s now 4:00 and only one hour after I last checked the clock. How is it that I’m still so far away from bedtime and peace and quiet? It’s now 5:00 and finally I can start preparing for dinner. This will fill the time! Now we’ve finally hit 7:30, and it’s time for the bedtime routine. Rush, rush, rush, and get them into bed. Finally, it’s 8:00 and all’s well. The kids are in bed, and now I can have some peace and quiet.

If you’re like me, this can sometimes characterize your day. I so easily want to rush through those hard times in order to get to the easier times. But what gain is there in that? We have heard it said many times that the hard times make for sweeter good times. That is true of many things. For example, think of all that labor you went through. Those contractions, those moans and groans, and the waiting. Now remember that moment you saw that sweet little squished face for the first time. All legs, arms, fingers, and head squirming and screaming on your chest. The pain was worth it.

Now, fast forward with me to today. Your toddler is literally sitting on your foot all day. Arms and legs are wrapped around yours, and she won’t get off. Your preschooler is asking you a hundred questions or simply narrating your day. Your infant is in a growth spurt and wants to eat every hour. Pain? Well, maybe not pain, but definitely hard. Wiping spit, wiping bottoms, wiping noses, wiping counters, wiping slobber marks off the window…that is what my day can look like. When 3:00 or 4:00 rolls around, I’m beat.

I sincerely try to train my kids to be good adults. That’s my aim and goal. Sometimes in the work of training I forget to cherish. To be honest, sometimes in the midst of the work I even forget to train! I know it is important to teach my girls to obey right away. It’s so important to teach them that the way to play with the pink pen is to simply ask and not to do a half-nelson-choke-hold. These are all lessons that must happen. They often are addressed in the middle of life. “Momming” is hard. I know it is. I can check out sometimes or start looking at the clock (which immediately stops working) waiting for bedtime. My point is that there are many distractions from the joys of being a parent. The joy I have in being a mom can easily be smothered by the chaos of life.

A friend has shared with me many times “the days are long, but the years are short.” I share that with you, too. Kiss those sweet heads again, cherish those little bottoms on your feet, and listen to those flowing words from the mouth of your dear one.

Remember it is a privilege to be a part of those special little lives. Your work is hard. It is exhausting, but it does not last forever. The years fly by and we will be left with nothing but memories. No little girls begging for tickles. No little boys ready to tackle you. No little tea parties or games of Candyland.

I look at my youngest daughter’s face and I’m blown away. She has grown so much in these last 3 years. My (almost) 5-year-old is getting more mature and more complex every day. I miss how she used to say “watabellabella” instead of “watermelon.”  She is half my size now and I can barely carry her anymore. She fills my lap to overflowing.

Sometimes in order to cherish the time with my girls, I need to strategize. I make a point to write down all the cute things they say. I’m on the lookout for sayings. I find that if I make a goal of writing down one or two things a day, I hear more of them. As I hear more of them, I relish them. I become more in-tune with them. I also make a point to hug and kiss them every time I’m next to them. It’s just what I do. Another thing I like to do is jump in and play with them throughout the day for bits of time. I’ll turn up the radio and dance with them in the living room, or I’ll sit on the floor next to them and ask questions. Just little things, but they all help me to take time and enjoy my girls. What sorts of things do you do to help you to stop and smell the stinky feet?

The training is important. Dinner on the table is important, and so is clean laundry. But of utmost importance are those children! They will not keep. They will grow even if you don’t remember that they will. They are a one-way busy street that can never be traveled again.

So kiss those sweet heads. Give extra hugs. Play one last game. Remember to cherish them.

Filed Under: miscellaneous Tagged With: , ,

The Importance of Listening

November 19, 2012 by Leave a Comment

How well do you listen to your child? Do you ever have trouble striking a balance between empathizing with your child and requiring strict obedience?

Those of us who follow the Ezzos’ teachings know that maintaining a parent-centered or family-centered home is important. We do our best to ensure that our lives aren’t too child-centered. We want our children to know that they’re not the center of the universe. They may in fact be the center of our universe, but for the sake of the marriage, family, and the foundation upon which the child stands, we treat the child as a welcome member of the family but not the center of it.

Despite our emphasis on parent-centered methods, we cannot undervalue our children or their thoughts and feelings. The idea that the child is best seen, not heard, is simply unacceptable. In fact, it’s when we show cooperation in conquering the world together that we get better behavior and acceptance from our children. If our children know we are on their side, they will share their thoughts and more readily adopt our values.

This post is inspired by the book How to Talk so Your Kids Will Listen by H. Norman Wright, and though I’m only 30 pages in, it’s very enlightening. One idea that stands out to me is this:

“How do you get kids and teens to listen to you? Listen to them,” (p. 28).

It’s so true. In fact, the times that I’ve struggled most with obedience is when I’m immersed in some other activity or in my own thoughts. If I’m unavailable or detached from my children, they know it and they see it as license to do as they please. Alternatively, if I listen and interact with them, they are much more likely to hear me and obey my instructions.

It’s like what the Ezzos say about the threatening and repeating parent. When we threaten and repeat, we train our children not to listen to us. The same is true when we speak to our children in anger.

Knowing that there’s value in listening, we must also understand that listening is an art form:

“Listening is giving sharp attention to what your child shares with you. It’s more than just hearing what he or she says. Often what your child shares is more than what he or she says. (Read that sentence again. It’s a key thought.) You must listen to the total person, not just the words spoken. Listening requires an openness to whatever is being shared: feelings, attitudes or concerns, as well as words,” (p. 31).

Rather than having our own agenda or formulating our own thoughts or response, we must simply be quiet and listen. It’s only after we listen that we can reply. And understand that listening doesn’t mean complying. You can listen to your child ask for a lollipop for dinner, but that doesn’t mean you have to agree. Listening simply shows that we care.

The following statement is great:

“Listening is an expression of love. It involves caring enough to take seriously what your child is communicating,” (p. 31).

And when they see that we’re loving them by listening, the reward is huge:

“When your child knows you hear him or her, your child will trust you and feel safe with you. And if you’re a good listener, your child will be more apt to invite you into his or her life. Your child also learns through your example to respond openly and lovingly to what you share with him or her,” (p. 31).

So if you’re struggling with your child, try just listening for a little while. Whether you have a tween who’s challenging your values or a preschooler who refuses to obey, simply listening to their thoughts and feelings will strengthen your relationship and move you one step closer to your goals as a family.

Filed Under: moral training Tagged With: , ,

How well do you know your child?

September 26, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Source: single-parenting.families.com

I’ve talked about love languages in the past. Knowing our children’s love language is so important to giving them the love they need. But we must also take it a step further to determine how best to fulfill their love language.

Recently, a friend told me that her son requires daily morning snuggles. One day, they were having a difficult homeschool day, and she realized that he hadn’t gotten his morning snuggles. She said it’s the equivalent of her having her morning coffee. Nothing earth-shattering happens if he doesn’t get his snuggles, but he feels a little off without it.

Physical touch is also Lucas’ love language. When we start our homeschool day, I have him sit on my lap during our calendar time. And I noticed just today that the child will sit on my lap any chance he gets. Whether we’re doing school work or waiting at the doctor’s office, he will sit on my lap even if there’s an empty chair nearby. I like that he seeks this physical touch from me and doesn’t simply wait for me to offer it.

William’s love language, quality time, is a little more difficult to satisfy. With Lucas, I can just have him sit on my lap as we go about our day. For William, I have to take time out of my day to give him quality time. Our bedtime reading certainly accommodates his love language. And interestingly enough, he seems to be fine with quality time from his brother as much as from his parents. They play so well together, and as long as he’s not alone, he seems fine.

If you’re still uncertain of your child’s love language (it could take a few years to figure it out) be patient but always keep an eye out. And then once you do figure it out, find real-world activities that help satisfy that love language. Whether it’s morning snuggles or a strange love language quirk, figure out what the child needs and show him love in the way he will receive it.

Filed Under: prevention Tagged With: ,

First-time obedience in front of others

September 13, 2012 by Leave a Comment

By Bethany Lynch, TheGracefulMom.com

As a mom with a full-time occupation outside the home, I am still quite passionate about requiring first-time obedience. Sometimes that means we have to put in a lot of effort to require first-time obedience or address the lack thereof very promptly. We often do not have all day to work on attitudes, so it feels like we have to work double time. It is extremely tempting to make excuses for not working on it…I have already put in over 8 hours of work outside of the house, people will understand that I have been gone, I feel guilty for being gone so I let my children get away with more, and so on.

I try really, really hard to limit that line of thinking. I knew before we had children that we believed in first-time obedience, and I knew that I would most likely have a full-time occupation. The only surprise was just how much time it can take to reinforce obedience. I think one of the hardest times to require first-time obedience is in public or in front of others.

When I have limited time to run errands, the last thing I want to have to do is leave my cart full of carefully selected items to take a screaming toddler out of the store. When we actually find a night to get together with friends, it is so easy to let children run around like tornadoes just so the adults can talk for a few uninterrupted minutes. What if we come across as overly strict in front of others?

I can tell you from skilled personal experience it is well worth it to take the high road and stick to your beliefs. Don’t give in just because it is hard or uncomfortable to work on obedience in front of others. The after-effects and amount of work that is required to make up for giving too much freedom can take a lot more time than I have to give.

Here are some of the ways we have decided to handle first-time obedience in front of others:

  • Foremost, we try to stay rested ourselves. There is no way a tired mama can properly deal with disobedience when she is exhausted. Make sure you get the sleep you need, and you will have much more energy to work on FTO and other priorities.
  • Be prepared ahead of time. Maureen has written before how to stay consistent and recommends having rules for being out in public. Whether it is an immediate consequence now or later, know ahead of time how you will respond. Ideas could include: hand folding (we use this a lot! Even my 2 yo is learning), loss of privilege to talk, time out away from others or in car, no special treats. Note: I would not recommend buying treats often on trips so that you end up bribing or threatening.
  • Prep your kids before going to someone’s house or the store. Don’t give threats or set them up for failure, but simply encourage them to follow the rules. Go over what is expected and how they should handle any particular situations. If they are struggling with hitting, for example, go over other options to express their frustration instead of hitting…not that we have ever struggled with that.
  • Act. You prepared to be consistent. Your kids knew the expectations. Now it has to be enforced. Consistency of the parent is parallel to the expected consistency of the child to obey. If both parents are there, I believe one parent should handle the consequence immediately. We have done timeouts outside of the furniture store, outside of the pizza restaurant in winter, oh and timeouts at the wedding this past weekend with all of our extended family watching to see how we handled it. Many times both parents are not there so Maureen also has given ideas on how to do timeouts at home after misbehaving in public.
  • Praise your kids for making a conscientious choice to obey. This doesn’t mean bribing them with a small $1 toy every time you go to Target. Make sure you verbally take time to tell your kids how proud you are of the way they handled a challenging situation. For a 4-year old, keeping hands folded at someone’s house with breakable items is challenging so make sure they know you noticed!

It can be hard to follow through with others watching, but I promise they will remember the way that you followed through. You will not be the first mom to ask the manager to take her grocery cart, and your child will learn that you have consistent expectations.

Filed Under: first-time obedience Tagged With: , ,

Do you relate to your child?

August 3, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Source: femeo.bayt.com

Did your child come out of the womb looking and acting different from you? Does he take after your distant Uncle Bernie more than you? Our kids are born with their own little personalities. And sometimes, their personalities are far different from our own.

If this is the case, it’s important that we take the time to understand the world from our child’s perspective. We need to relate to our children so we can fully meet their social and emotional needs.

I struggle with this a bit myself. William, my oldest, is the spitting image of my husband. They even have matching personalities. When I describe William, several words come to mind: extroverted, social, smart, always happy, inquisitive, easily excited yet laid back at the same time, bold, and friendly. Sadly, I would not use these words to describe myself. I’m an introvert to the core. While William is adventurous, I like to play it safe. While he likes to try new things, I like to stick with what I know is good. Lucas is the one who looks and acts more like me.

Do I just recognize our differences and call it done? No. I need to find a way to relate to William. I need to understand his needs so I can find a way to meet them (or find someone who does). While the thought of going to a party sounds completely draining to me, I need to realize that a party may be just what William needs to recharge his batteries. And when his inquisitiveness comes out, rather than answer his endless questions with “I don’t know,” I need find it in me to be just as interested and tell him that we’ll look it up later.

Whether your child is just like you or you’re polar opposites, take the time to understand your child and the motivations behind his thoughts and feelings. It’s only by trying to relate to our children that we can truly understand them and give them what they need.

Filed Under: miscellaneous, prevention Tagged With: , ,

Obedience offers acceptance and approval

July 6, 2012 by 3 Comments

Source: childrensbehaviorproblems.com

I came across a wonderful passage in Growing Kids God’s Way that summarizes the need for a high standard of obedience. We don’t train our children to obey us for our own convenience. Obedience offers so much more. Consider this:

“A child’s feeling of acceptance and sense of approval is directly related to the standard of behavior required by his parents. This is true for all areas of character development and is especially true with first-time obedience. The child whose parents require first-time obedience and encourage him in the process has a greater sense of parental approval, love, and acceptance than a child in a permissive or authoritarian household. Permissive parents tend to ignore the standard for obedience, while authoritarian parents eliminate the need to affirm their children.

“When a child meets a high, established standard and receives parental approval, obedience becomes attractive, and the child knows his parents accept him. The higher the standard, the greater the confirmation and sense of approval. The lower the standard, the weaker the sense of approval and, ultimately, the weaker the parent-child relationship,” (Growing Kids God’s Way, p. 129).

Isn’t that incredible to think that a little work put into training our children in first-time obedience can yield so many amazing results?! Approval, acceptance, character, and a strong parent-child relationship are all important parenting goals.

As I’ve said many times before, laying that foundation of obedience opens the doors to so many opportunities. It’s time well spent.

P.S., The July 4th eBook sale ends today! Order before midnight Pacific time to get your copy of Live in Harmony with First-Time Obedience for just $7.99.

 

Filed Under: first-time obedience, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , ,
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