School’s almost out! Structure your summer

May 18, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Source: fantasyhockeyscouts.com

Many of us are heading into the last few weeks of school for the year. My boys get out of school on June 13. That’s just a few weeks before we will be forced to make some routine adjustments. While I look forward to having them home, I know that I will have to structure our days, or else they’ll end up getting into all kinds of trouble!

I had a rude awakening just the other day. I had to get some work done after they came home from school. You would have thought a tornado had run through our house! My husband even asked what happened. If I had just taken a few minutes to put them in roomtime or sibling playtime in one of their rooms, they would have caused far less mischief (and mess).

So save yourself this hassle all summer long. And no, you don’t need to be running all over town driving from one summer camp to the next. Just structure your days at home. Read more for some background on structuring your day and creating your schedule.

If you’re not one to follow a strict schedule, just jot down a few items and when they’ll take place. They might include:

  • Regular meals and snacks
  • Roomtime
  • Sibling playtime
  • Naps/quiet time (depending on the age of the child)
  • Reading time
  • Couch time
  • Chores
  • Bath/shower

I would advise you to have just these basics down every day. If those don’t quite fill your days, other schedule items include:

  • Classes: art, music, etc.
  • Library story times
  • Outside play (This can be so important for quality sleep, it might belong in the must-have category.)
  • TV/computer time (Keep it limited.)
  • Mom time
  • “Summer school” (Don’t let their brains rot over summer! Research homeschool websites for ideas. There are a ton of free resources out there.)
  • Time with friends (Schedule weekly play dates.)
  • “Field trips” like zoo, museum outings

Also, think about any skills you might want to teach your child over the summer. Your days will be less chaotic than school days, so you might want to take the opportunity to teach your child how to tie his shoes, properly brush his own teeth, ride a bike, organize his toys, cook a meal, write letters to grandparents, and more.

Take the time now to create your summer schedule!

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Consistent bedtime

May 10, 2012 By Leave a Comment

By Bethany Lynch, TheGracefulMom.com

Bedtime is one of the main sleep issues that parents struggle with in children. The problems range from developmental disturbances and nap-related disturbances to summer activities. Occasionally, it is also a temptation to relax the bedtime routine out of guilt.

Source: Nerissa's Ring

As a working mom, having a consistent bedtime has been a lifesaver…one of my top tips. However, it is often tempting to be much more permissive about bedtime and blame it on not getting enough quality time with our kids.

Permissiveness leads to inconsistency.

Letting my kids stay up late out of guilt is not quality time for me or for them. I am a much better mom by having well-rested children, and they love having a well-rested mom. We also make few exceptions.
Some, yes, but not many. We have left parties early, sent strict notes to the grandparents, and put a lot of effort into establishing an efficient routine.

Here is how we did it:

  • Stick to the plan. Once bedtime routine starts, there is hardly any variation. Ours is brush teeth, pajamas, pick/read a book, say prayers, sing a song, tuck in, lights out, door closed.
  • Establish consequences for purposely not obeying the bedtime routine. The first consequence is losing the privilege of picking the book. The
    second consequence is losing the privilege of reading a book. Last would be going straight to bed the second pjs are on, but rarely, if ever, have we gotten to that point.
  • Make bedtime a priority. I usually start picking or guiding activities about 15-30 minutes before our bedtime routine starts. For
    example, if bathtime runs long, then any TV time before bed is either eliminated or cut short. We also aim to be home before bedtime and
    carefully choose activities that will not compete with getting home close to bedtime.
  • Do not over-analyze bedtime difficulties. It is very common for toddlers to have bedtime disruptions around 2 years old and again when
    naptime needs to be shortened. I have been there, and I tried everything. It almost always comes back to staying consistent. See #1!
  • Cherish the routine and make it work. If bathtime takes too long every night, try every other night or 3 nights a week. If you have a
    special family event, do not be a slave to the routine. That is the beauty of the -wise series…flexibility when you need it. I have also
    had some of the best conversations ever with my children during bedtime. Some nights I stay for extra kisses, cuddles, and questions. My son also knows that once the door is closed, it stays closed. My daughter with SPD sometimes gets a 2nd check if she has an extremely hard time soothing herself.

Start as you mean to go on and know that bedtime can be enjoyable for everyone!

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Stop behavior problems before they happen

April 27, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Source: measamother.com

One of the most important considerations in parenting is prevention. I cannot stress enough how much prevention can save your sanity and induce compliance in your child.

“Prevention is the best form of correction,” (On Becoming Childwise).

There are several parenting tactics that allow you to prevent behavior problems before they happen. Some of these tactics include:

As important all of these factors are–and, make no mistake, they are important–there is one factor that really drives prevention: freedoms. Avoid trouble by limiting access to items that aren’t within the child’s realm of responsibility (like the markers in the photo above).

I discussed the idea of having your child ask for permission. That’s one way to limit a child’s freedoms. As you go about your day, think through possible freedoms your child has (or takes on his own) that could be getting him into trouble.

“You should continually evaluate what you allow your child to do and whether those freedoms are appropriate considering his age, understanding, and abilities. Are you giving him inappropriate freedoms?

Let freedoms be handed out carefully as the child demonstrates contentment with your authority and responsibility in previous freedoms given. Granting freedoms consistent with a child’s level of self-control equals developmental harmony.

Freedoms come gradually: from the playpen, to the backyard, to the neighborhood, to the world at large. As your child demonstrates responsible behavior and sound judgment, he earns another level of freedom. This type of training results in a child who is a joy to everyone and who has achieved a sense of affirmation within himself,” (On Becoming Childwise).

What more could we want? Make sure your child’s freedoms are equal to his level of responsibility (not his age), and always focus on prevention. As always, if behavior problems are avoided altogether, that’s less disciplining and correcting that you need to do.

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Have them ask for permission

April 20, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Source: dreamstime.com

It can be so incredibly important and effective to have our children ask for permission as they go about their days. If you have a child who tends to roam the house at will or who takes far too many verbal freedoms, having him ask for permission can immediately curb attitude issues.

I first learned the importance of this when I was on the phone with my contact mom one day (when William was about 3). He had started to put his boots on to go out into the backyard, and I asked her whether she thought that was okay. She said, “Did he ask for permission?” Of course he hadn’t, and I quickly realized that was at the root of many of our problems. He was just taking freedoms at will, and we never stopped to have him ask.

“Do you let your three-year-old go into the backyard to play without asking permission? Do you let your five-year-old decide for herself when she can go next door to play with her friend? Think through your day. How many times do you hear your child say, ‘Mom, I’m going to…’ rather than, ‘Mom, may I…?’ Is your child asking you to do things or just telling you what he’s going to do?” (On Becoming Childwise).

“The child who customarily tells you what she is going to do is assuming a level of decision-making freedom which she may or may not have. And if this continues, it is because her parents have allowed her to take this ground and hold it,” (On Becoming Childwise).

There are two great benefits of having your child ask for permission. First, it prevents problems before they occur. Rather than having to discipline a child for taking a freedom after the fact, you can stop the child from taking the freedom in the first place. Second, it allows you time to decide whether you will allow the child the freedom.

There is nothing wrong with letting your child have certain freedoms. The problem lies with who ultimately decides what he can and cannot do.

“There is a simple technique you can use to keep this problem at bay. Have your child ask permission rather than informing you of his decision…. Seeking permission helps a child realize his dependence on your leadership. It also helps prevent a child from becoming wise in his own eyes,” (On Becoming Childwise).

If you never require your child to ask for permission, he will assume that it means he has the freedom to do whatever he wants. We all know this cannot be healthy.

The Ezzos caution us that we must always follow through when our response to a request is a “no.”

“One warning: this technique will only work if you actually play your parental role. If your child asks permission to go next door and you say no, you may witness a case of spontaneous combustion right there in your living room [especially if you’re new to this rule.] If the child throws a tantrum (or threatens to in front of your company) and you give in, you haven’t made an adjustment at all. The child is still telling you what he’s going to do—you’ve just changed the vocabulary,” (On Becoming Childwise).

You will have to decide what you will require them to ask permission for. But if in doubt, have them ask. Many times, when my kids start to do something, I stop them and have them ask. I may still go ahead and say “yes,” but it makes it clear to them that they aren’t the ones to decide.

Understand how important this simple technique can be. It can eliminate attitude issues almost immediately, and is very effective in ensuring the child doesn’t think he’s running the show. If you do nothing else, start implementing this right away!

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Use the power of encouragement

April 11, 2012 By 2 Comments

Just last night, my oldest, William, demonstrated very clearly the power of encouragement. It’s fitting since my last post talked about using your relationship (love and encouragement) to motivate children to obey.

Here’s the story. Earlier in the day, the house had gotten to be quite a mess, and I needed to find a way to motivate my kids to clean up. As funny (or sad) as it sounds, the sun was finally out, and I wanted this cleanup job to happen very quickly. (Here in Seattle we need to get outside the minute the sun comes out.) So I told them I would set the timer for 10 minutes and they needed to clean up as much as they could without stopping (or stopping to complain).

After the playroom was clean, we moved upstairs to clean bedrooms. Again, I set the timer. This was all great encouragement, but when I passed by William’s room, he was cleaning very intently. In fact, he was in the process of neatly folding his pajamas and putting them on top of his dresser. He was very deliberate about it. I told him what a great job he was doing.

He also earned extra marbles for the great job he did. (We have a marble system that enables them to trade one marble for 10 minutes on the iPad or iPhone.) Lucas got three marbles for cleaning up, and I was sure to tell him that he would have earned more if he hadn’t complained. William did such a great job that I gave him five marbles. (Understand that they only earned marbles after the fact, so it was a reward, not a bribe.)

This was all so great, but I’m not done yet. Later that night, I sent William upstairs to get started getting ready for bed. He knew he needed to take his vitamins, brush teeth, and get in the shower. By the time I got upstairs, he was in the shower. What put a smile on my face were his clothes, folded ever so neatly and placed in a pile on my bed. They went right in the hamper anyway, but usually, he leaves them in a heap on the bathroom floor.

Plus, he had set the egg timer that was sitting on top of my dresser. When he got out of the shower, he checked and found that he had 10 minutes left. He had challenged himself to get ready for bed before the timer went off (much like our timed cleanup job).

It’s so refreshing to me to see that just a small amount of encouragement (verbal praise and a few marbles) can have such great power to motivate my kids. Try something similar in your home and see if you get the same results.

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Does your child have motivation to obey?

April 9, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Source: parentinghopes.com

Do you give your child enough of a motivation to obey? I’m not talking about reward charts and potty training incentives. I’m talking about your relationship.

Yes, our children should obey (the first time) because we expect them to. We expect them to obey our word. But when that obedience isn’t happening, we should ask ourselves whether the child has enough motivation.

When you spend your days angry and frustrated by your child’s behavior, imagine how he feels. He spends his days with an angry, frustrated mom who does nothing to encourage or show love for him. He spends more time in timeout than playing, being silly, or being loved. Sometimes, in these times of frustration, mom’s expectations are unreasonable and unfair. Mom’s inconsistency complicates the matter.

Our children will rise to whatever expectation we set for them. But they must have motivation to do so. If they’re not feeling loved or encouraged, they’re not going to go out of their way to please us. If they expect that we’ll be disappointed, they figure they may as well not even try.

It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The child misbehaves. You’re disappointed. He misbehaves some more. You’re all the more disappointed. You try to buckle down, eventually setting inconsistent, unrealistic expectations. The child is exacerbated and misbehaves more. Weeks or months go on like this, and the child loses all motivation.

Who will be the first to break the cycle? The parent, I hope. The child is a child and is only following the path you set for him. If you find yourself in a cycle like this, consider tossing aside all of your discipline for a day or two. Cancel all meetings, play dates, etc. Just be in the moment with your child and do all you can to show your love. Be silly. Go on walks. Let him stop at every twig and leaf that interests him. Go out for ice cream. Snuggle while reading books.

Don’t think of these things as rewards for his misbehavior. Think of them as the necessary lifeblood for your relationship. Inject life and love back into your relationship. Lay that foundation of love and encouragement, and then if he continues to misbehave you can correct in love, not frustration.

Always remember that our ultimate goal is not perfect obedience, but a loving relationship between parent and child. Parenting is nothing without a child who wants to please us. Lose that and you lose everything. So do all you can to encourage obedience, but always make sure your child is motivated to please you.

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What I’m Reading: “Bringing Up Bebe,” The Cadre

April 2, 2012 By Leave a Comment

One of the most important ideas in French parenting, according to Bringing Up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman is the cadre.

“Cadre (kah-druh)—frame, or framework. A visual image that describes the French parenting ideal: setting firm limits for children, but giving them tremendous freedom within those limits,” (Bringing Up Bebe).

The cadre seems to be a combination of the Ezzos’ schedule and funnel. The schedule is the framework that defines the structure of the home. The funnel defines firm limits that equate to the child’s level of responsibility. And the child is afforded freedoms based on that same level of responsibility.

“To the French couple [referenced in the book], it seemed like the American kids were in charge. ‘What struck us, and bothered us was that the parents never said ‘no.’ … It suggests that the American kids don’t have firm boundaries, that their parents lack authority, and that anything goes. It’s the antithesis of the French ideal of the cadre, or frame, that French parents talk about. Cadre means that kids have very firm limits—that’s the frame—and that the parents strictly enforce those limits. But within those limits, the kids have a lot of freedom,” (Bringing Up Bebe, p. 67-68).

The book goes on to suggest that kids are more content when they are kept in the cadre.

“He’s a little bit lost. … In families where there is more structure, not a rigid family but a bit more cadre, everything goes much more smoothly,” (Bringing Up Bebe, p. 68).

This idea is further explained as a source of comfort:

“The point of the cadre isn’t to hem the child in; it’s to create a world that’s predictable and coherent to her. ‘You need that cadre or I think you get lost.’ … ‘It gives you confidence. You have confidence in your kid, and your kid feels it,’” (Bringing Up Bebe, p. 84).

One of the parents interviewed in the book explains how the cadre plays out in daily life:

“’I tend to be severe all of the time, a little bit,’ Fanny says. ‘There are some rules I found that if you let go, you tend to take two steps backward. I rarely let these go.’ For Fanny, these areas are eating, sleeping and watching TV. ‘For all the rest she can do what she wants,’ she tells me about her daughter, Lucie. Even within these key areas, Fanny tries to give Lucie some freedom and choices…. ‘Dressing up in the morning, I tell her, ‘At home, you can dress however you want. If you want to wear a summer shirt in wintertime, okay. But when we go out, we decide,’” (Bringing Up Bebe, p. 84).

This is similar to the structure that I have established in my home. I have very firm limits about eating, sleeping and media (all devices, not just TV). I have other limits related to our structure, but within that structure, my boys have freedom. For example, roomtime is a playtime defined by me, and it’s a time when they play alone in their rooms. But they can play with whatever toys or books they wish.

Or when we’re on walks, they know they are to stop at corners, not walk on neighbors’ lawns, stay on the sidewalk, and not cross the street alone. Aside from those rules, they are free to run ahead or stop to pick up sticks as they wish.

It all comes down to balance. We need to let our kids be kids, but we also need to give them limits to keep them healthy and safe. For both the parents’ sake and the child’s, it’s important to decide what those limits are ahead of time. And then when there’s opportunity for freedom, we can allow it.

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The interrupt rule

March 30, 2012 By 1 Comment

Does your child constantly interrupt you? Are you frustrated or embarrassed by your child’s behavior when he interrupts? Do you know what to do about it?

Whether the child speaks out of turn, tugs on your pant leg or goes so far as to yank your arm to tear you away from your conversation, an interrupting child is never a joy.

The Ezzos implore us to teach our children how to interrupt.

“There is a better way. Teach your child how to interrupt your conversation politely. This is another practical way of showing respect to others,” (On Becoming Childwise, p. 99).

There is a simple technique to teach children how to politely get your attention.

“When your child needs to interrupt, teach him to place a hand on your side, shoulder, or arm and then wait the few moments it will take for you to acknowledge him,” (On Becoming Childwise, p. 99).

Be sure to take the time to acknowledge the child, or his polite interruption will become a rude one.

“When your child puts his hand on your side, take your hand and place it on his, gently squeezing it. This lets him know that you know he is there,” (On Becoming Childwise, p. 99).

Understand that teaching the interrupt rule has many more effects than teaching a child to be polite. Some benefits include:

  • It becomes a means for the child to give honor to others while at the same time communicating his need to the parent.
  • The child learns to trust that the parent will meet his needs in an orderly way.
  • It helps the child to grow in the discipline of patience.
  • It reinforces the positive side of the child’s conscience. Confirmation comes from within the heart of the child as well as from without.
  • It communicates to the third party involved the standards of respect and honor by which you as a family are living. (On Becoming Childwise, p. 100).

What more could we want? Take the time to teach this simple technique to your child.

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Dads are parents too

March 14, 2012 By Leave a Comment

New Daddy

It’s Babywise Blog Network Week! All week, we’ll be featuring blog posts from other Babywise-friendly blogs. The schedule is as follows:

·     Monday: Valerie Plowman, Chronicles of a Babywise Mom 
·     Tuesday: Maureen Monfore, Childwise Chat 
·     Wednesday: Hank Osborne, Daddy Life
·     Thursday: Rachel Rowell, My Baby Sleep Guide
·     Friday: Bethany Lynch, The Graceful Mom 

Help us promote solidarity within the Babywise/Ezzo community by subscribing to these blogs.

______________________________________

By Hank Osborne from DaddyLife.net

There is no greater calling for a man than that of being a husband and then a father. Dad has a responsibility to love, protect, and provide for the family. The Daddy Life podcast and blog was created to help dads fulfill those responsibilities and more. The choices a dad makes directly affect the future of the family, the community, the nation, and the world. Our society often portrays parenting to be a spectator sport for dads. This is unfortunate and yet is too often an accurate description. Some kids grow up with their dads not even being fans of parenting at all given the overwhelming evidence available as listed in The Father Factor. It doesn’t have to be this way and it shouldn’t. Parenting works best as a team sport rather than as a solo sport or a tag-team sport.

If you read enough material authored by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo you will learn very fast that they put a premium on the husband-wife relationship. Mr. Ezzo goes as far as to say that you will only be as good of a parent as you are a spouse. I agree with this and encourage you to work to keep your marriage strong. This will be a great live demonstration for your children while also keeping you and your spouse tuned in to each other during this parenting journey and for when your children are grown.

There are some other things that dads in particular need to be intentional about that will help him maintain his role as a key player in parenting. The following are four out of the eight items that Gary Ezzo calls The Father’s Mandate:

1. A father must give his children the freedom to fail. Your children need the freedom to fail–in front of dad. So many adults are haunted by the fact that they feel like they could never live up to their dad’s expectations. Achievement and relationships are areas that every person will experience failure. Dad’s job is to help them find the good in those failures so their kids can learn and move on.

2. A father must be the encourager of the family. We’re not just talking about encouraging words but a spirit of encouragement. Dads can leave little notes for the kids in their lunch boxes telling them you love and are thinking about them. Dads can write a letter each year on their child’s birthday telling them how much the child means to them. How many of us wish we had just one single letter like this from our dads? Ladies, remind your husbands about this one!

3. A father must guard his tongue and his tone and learn to measure his response against the excitement on their faces. Mr. Ezzo does such a great job explaining this one. In Daddy Life podcast episode 17 I included a clip of him telling a story about how he learned the importance of this mandate in his own home. It had to do with the 1980s and his wife and daughters getting “perms” for the first time. I promise, you will laugh out loud at this one. Dads and moms need think before they speak. Keep in mind that your kids might be trying to be helpful. They might be following instructions given by the other parent. Try to understand the context of the situation before responding too quickly.

4. A father must routinely embrace his children. This sounds so simple, but it can be difficult, particularly for some dads who are not the hugging type. Mom’s hugs most often provide a feeling of comfort and love. Dad’s hugs deliver feelings of security and safety. Dads of girls need to be sure they do not change how they treat their daughters in this area when their bodies begin to mature. Don’t be afraid of your girls just because their bodies are changing. Continue to show them love in the same way, otherwise you might be setting them up to look for that safety and security in someone else’s arms. I recently had a guest (Stacy Ratliff) on the Daddy Life podcast. He is the father of three teen girls and he reemphasized this one during the interview.

So those are some of the macro-level things for dads and even moms to work on. I want to wrap this post up with a short scenario and some tips to help dads remain a team player in the parenting journey on a day-to-day basis.

These are the ways I’ve learned over the years to help me become more of a team player.

Do your Couch Time! – Yes it IS that important.

If dad has a job situation that allows for occasional calls from mom, then show an interest and give your wife the freedom to call when she needs input from you. This is a way to engage in the game of life with your wife and children when needed. Occasionally things have happened that prompted my wife to call me at work during the day to ask my opinion on how to respond. It might have been a behavior issue, a feeding/nursing problem, or even a health issue that she wanted a different perspective on before taking action. It makes me feel valuable when she truly wants my input in a problem area. My wife is in the trenches solo from the time she gets up until I get home in the evening. She has found herself in situations where she couldn’t see the forest because of the trees. My wife knows that she can call me. Dads should be willing to take these calls.

We have learned from the Ezzos to be thinking parents, and to do this effectively as a team we need to agree to a game plan. That means we need to regularly communicate so that neither of us are making important decisions in a vacuum and we are both working off of the same game plan. Call your wife on the way home from work. This helps you to know what your wife is working on with each of your kids and what the issues of the day might be. Mom sometimes needs to alter the game plan a little to work on a specific behavior issue and dad can undo all the ground that has been gained in that area by giving different consequences (or none at all) when he comes home. Know what the issues are, what encouragement or discipline is being used, and be ready to reinforce it when you get home.

Choose what you listen to on the way home carefully. It should be something that would help you transition out of your workday. Also be ready to turn your work off so to speak. This may require a few minutes at home to change clothes and regroup before fully engaging with your wife and the kids. Let your wife know what you need when you come through the door at the end of the day.

Be fully involved. Pick a single sport game to watch during the weekend and then turn off the TV. If you like to watch a sport with your kid(s) then record it and watch it with your child later when you can fast forward through the commercials. If you are anything like me you don’t want your little ones watching commercials for Hardees’s, Victoria Secret, or GoDaddy just to name a few.

Take a child with you when running errands. My oldest is beginning to realize that riding along to the big box store is not always the most fun for him, but the younger ones don’t care what you are doing with them as long as you are together. My oldest is getting to a point where he wants to have input into what we do when we spend time one-on-one.

Take care of all of the kids solo. Let your wife go out for a day or even a weekend. You will not do things perfect and the house might be a wreck by the time the weekend is over, but give your wife a break. Walk a day in her shoes. You will get a whole new appreciation for the job she performs while you are off “killing it and dragging it home”. You will gain a whole new level of respect from your wife by even attempting this one. Call in a grandparent for reinforcements if necessary, but at least give it a try once in a while.

Dads are parents and they should act like it. Be weird. Be different. Be more than just a biological father to your children. Be a Daddy.

Filed Under: parenting philosophy, prevention Tagged With: , ,

Could food intolerances be to blame?

February 15, 2012 By 5 Comments

Source: kidfitonline.com

Do you ever get frustrated wondering why your child’s behaviors don’t change? Do you do your best with first-time obedience training but still have a particularly disobedient child? Does your child seem to flip a switch, being obedient one minute and then crazy, out-of-his-mind disobedient the next?

Consider whether food intolerances might be to blame. I have done quite a bit of research on this thanks to William. It started from day one, as did the colic.

William cried in pain almost 24/7 his first 6 weeks of life. We had no hope for Babywise (no sleep training for this newborn!). I remember working so hard to get him to go to sleep only for him to wake up 2 seconds after I put him down.

Out of desperation, I researched the top foods babies are allergic to and thought I would eliminate them from my diet (still nursing) one by one. I started at the top of the list with dairy and just a couple days later he was a NEW BABY! I could not believe what a difference it made. He stopped crying!

After about 3-4 days, I went out to eat and my salad came with cheese on it and our dessert had a little butter. I tried to pick around the cheese and only had a few bites of the dessert, not completely convinced that dairy was our problem. Well, the very next morning, he was back to his fussy self. So I got the confirmation I needed.

After we started solids, I noticed some new problems like eczema, so I kept a running list of all the foods we needed to avoid. The list of “bad” foods was longer than the list of “good” foods. Eventually, on the advice of the pediatrician, I added all of the foods back into his diet. He seemed to do okay, that is, until he started preschool. I quickly learned that although his digestive and eczema problems were gone, his food intolerances were affecting his behavior. The intolerances were still there; they were just manifesting themselves in different ways.

Motivated to improve the preschool situation, I researched it with gusto. My food intolerance “bible,” a book called Is This Your Child by Doris Rapp taught me so much. I learned that different manifestations of food intolerances include:

  1. Hyperactivity
  2. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde syndrome
  3. Red/hot ears
  4. Red cheeks
  5. Sleep disturbances
  6. Dark circles under the eyes
  7. Small wrinkles under the eyes
  8. Congestion, frequent clearing of the throat
  9. Wiggly legs
  10. Nonsense speech
  11. Clicking of the tongue

I even learned that blonde-haired, blue-eyed kids (like William) are susceptible to a dairy intolerance. I started seeing all of these manifestations in him all day every day.

With the help of a naturopath, we ran a specific blood test (IgG) that confirmed several food intolerances. There were a couple on the list that I never would have suspected. Today, he’s on a very specific diet that has him avoiding dairy, wheat, all gluten, soy, eggs, bananas and avocados. Soy, in particular, causes extreme hyperactivity. This is interesting because we had him on soy formula and soy milk when he was a baby and toddler. I have tried adding bananas and eggs back in, but the under-eye circles come right back.

There is a genetic link with food intolerances, and I was allergic to dairy and wheat when I was a baby. They said I outgrew it, but I contend that my symptoms just changed. I have now been off wheat for 2 years, and I’m doing my best to avoid dairy. (That one’s hard for me.)

When I talk to friends about possible intolerances in their kids, I tell them to look for the foods their kids seem to crave. Typically, when kids have intolerances, they crave the foods they shouldn’t be eating. Those foods have an opiate effect on their brains, so it’s almost like a drug in the way they crave these foods. Many picky eaters have food intolerances.

William and I are content with our diets. Do we ever wish we could eat a slice of pizza? Sure, but we both know that we’ll suffer the repercussions later. So for the foreseeable future, we will continue as we have. There are so many dairy-free, gluten-free, egg-free, soy-free alternatives out there.

In addition to improving specific symptoms, William has been so healthy. He didn’t miss a single day of school last year while his brother succumbed to virus after virus. Lucas was so very sick for months on end. Just a couple months ago, I took him off dairy. The last straw was his comment, “Mommy, my tummy doesn’t like cheese.” He’s been so healthy. All of the sickness (runny nose, cough, stomach bugs and nausea) has completely gone away!

 

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