Hit the Reset Button

Source: gsdrew91.wordpress.com

Do you ever feel like you’re looking for life’s reset button? It’s so easy when our computers act up. We can just hit that reset button and start anew. If only we had a reset button with our kids. I’ve blogged before about the ebb and flow of parenting. There are days when we’re super committed to doing all that we know is right. Then after doing that for a while, our kids are super obedient and do all that we ask. Then, after a while of that, we take that for granted and become complacent in our parenting. Once we realize that’s what’s happening, we start fresh with our drive to improve our parenting.

Well, I speak from experience when I say that it can take a little longer than we’d like to realize that things have gone awry in our parenting. When this happens, and when we let it go too long, our kids’ behaviors can get really out of control. Of course, it’s not ideal to let this happen, but hey, we’re human.

When we realize that our kids’ behaviors have been out of control for a little too long, we need to hit that reset button. I’m sorry to say it’s not as easy as pressing a button, but I’ll offer a few steps here to get you back on track.

Sit down with your spouse

There are a few things we can do to hit that proverbial reset button. It all begins with a little planning. Sit down with your spouse and hash it out. Talk big picture about what you would like your kids to think and act like, and examine how far you are from that ideal picture. It can even be helpful to sit down and write out the characteristics you’d like to see in your child. Or reference an old list if you’ve done this before. Check off the ones that you currently see in your child. Then highlight those that still need work. Then start thinking about what it will take to get you there. Here are a few pointers:

Create a plan. Whether it’s a discipline plan, a reward chart, or some other system that focuses on the child’s strengths and weaknesses, having a plan is key. This plan can be in your head, but it’s often much more effective when it’s on paper.

Create a schedule. If you don’t have a schedule already, create one. If you have one, figure out where it’s failing you. Is it too detailed to realistically follow? If so, scale it back considerably. Personally, I have a hard time following a detailed schedule. I like to plan things around breakfast, lunch, and dinner since they are typically all at the same time every day. Be realistic with yourself and the schedule. When in doubt, start small.

Examine your weaknesses. This is a hard one. But look long and hard at yourself and try to examine where you might have gone wrong. Personally, I have a hard time “meaning what I say.” I tend to spout out instructions without really listening to myself. This ultimately leads to a lack of follow through. As for my husband, he probably threatens consequences too much. We all need to realize that actions speak louder than words. No matter your weakness, pick one and write it down. And work on that one only. Once you see improvement in yourself, you can start working on any other weaknesses you may have.

Sit down with your child

If your child is of the age where he can understand (or even if he isn’t) sit down and explain your new rules. Inevitably, life will look a little different after you go through this exercise. Why not explain it all to the child. Prepare him for the change. And above all, explain the behavior you expect of him. If you’re working from a reward or discipline chart, show it to him. Read it over and explain it all step by step.

Evaluate your progress

In the business world, they call this a “post mortem.” After every project, we examine how it all went and what we might improve for next time. Even better than having a final evaluation of your progress, set a few milestones along the way that will tell you how you’re doing. Schedule a time to meet with your spouse, perhaps a month after your first meeting. Have a list of your milestones and evaluate each one. One of your milestones might be your consistency with a schedule, or following through on everything you say. Be honest with yourselves. And let your spouse be critical so you can improve. Always see your spouse as a partner in this effort, not an adversary or critic.

There’s probably a lot more I could say about this, but I’ll stop here. Perhaps in future posts, I’ll dig a little more into the nitty gritty on how you can hit that proverbial reset button with your kids. Wherever you are in this process, realize that you’re never alone. Read more of my blog. Lean on your spouse. Enlist the help and support of friends. It takes a village!

 

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