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Archives for January 2013
An Update on My Kids: Lucas, Age 5
On Monday, I gave you an update on my oldest, William. Today, it’s all about Lucas. He turned 5 years old in October, and he’s currently in pre-K.
As you may have noticed, William is giving us a run for our money. It all began at birth when he started acting colicky (which we determined was from a dairy intolerance). Actually, scratch that. Our troubles with William began in labor! My water broke before I had any contractions which made it all the more painful.
When I was pregnant with Lucas, I “told” him that he needed to compensate for all of my troubles with William. The obedient little thing that he is, he seems to have agreed! :) In every way that William’s issues complicate life, Lucas is decidedly normal. In so many ways, my boys are complete opposites. William has blond hair and blue eyes. Lucas has brown hair and brown eyes. William is tall and thin. Lucas is short and squat. (Though sadly, he’s lost his baby belly.) William is a thrill-seeker. Lucas is cautious. Name any characteristic, and I’ll tell you they’re opposites! Even their belly buttons are opposites (inny vs. outy)!
School
Lucas is also being homeschooled for the first time this year. After a year in a Montessori preschool last year, I determined that a self-directed method just wasn’t right for him. While he’s easy and fairly obedient, he does sometimes like to take the easy route in life. So this year, I’m fully directing his learning. I have just a few goals for him which include basic addition, early writing, and some reading. I can say that we’re well on our way to achieving our goals. I’m using “Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lesson” and it’s working wonderfully. I’m really amazed by his reading. By the same token, his writing and math skills have improved tremendously since the start of the school year.
As with William, it remains to be seen where Lucas will go to school next year. He seems to really enjoy being homeschooled. It’s funny because I had actually considered sending Lucas to preschool and keeping William at home. Apparently I had it backwards. As odd as it sounds, my kids’ and their nail-biting tendencies are telling me a bit about their school preferences. Lucas started biting his nails last year (at the Montessori school), and he told me he did it because he was nervous around his friends. A little while into our school year at home, Lucas stopped biting his nails. He had been doing it for several months and I had given up all hope. I haven’t seen him bite a nail in a long time.
Sadly, William started biting his nails at the beginning of our school year at home. I’m trying not to put too much stock into it, especially given his SPD and oral-seeking tendencies. Nor am I putting all of our school decisions into the hands (literally) of a couple of nail-biting boys. But it’s hard not to make the connection!
Sleep
Lucas sleeps about 11 hours at night and takes an hour-long nap every day. He goes down around 8:30pm and wakes up around 7:00 or 7:30am. His nap is usually from 1:00-2:00pm. Sleep has always come easy to Lucas. While I gave up on William’s nap at age 2.5 (so young!), Lucas is showing no sign of giving up on his nap. He has no trouble falling asleep at night, and he’s happier after he’s had a nap. He will say that he doesn’t want to take a nap, but he never protests when I put him down.
If there’s one issue with sleep that we’ve dealt with in Lucas, it was when he was waking before 7:00am to play. He seemed to think that he was missing out on something, and always wanted to be the first one awake. Then realizing he was the only one up, he’d attempt to wake us all up. Unfortunately, William was all too willing to wake up when Lucas entered his room, even if William had fallen asleep late the night before. So we were dealing with two tired boys. We have since put a lock on William’s door to prevent Lucas from going in his room. It works so well and is so simple, I’m surprised I hadn’t thought of it before. William wakes when he needs to, and it encourages Lucas to sleep longer since he knows nobody will get up early with him.
Meals
Raising William has taught me a lot about food intolerances. At the same time that I had William tested, I had Lucas tested as well. I suspected that Lucas also had a dairy intolerance because at a year old, when I switched him to regular milk, he had severe constipation problems. We masked the symptoms with Miralax, but I wanted to get to the root of the issue. I switched him to goat’s milk, and the constipation cleared up, but it was clear that he didn’t tolerate that either. (I learned that the hard way, after an entire sippy cup of goat’s milk went down and right back up in the middle of a restaurant!)
Not knowing what to do, I switched him to Kefir thinking the fermentation process would make dairy easier on his stomach. Nonetheless, it was still dairy and after a year or so on Kefir, I took him off all dairy completely. The last straw, after the hundredth time he went running to the bathroom in a fit of nausea, was when he said, “Mommy, my tummy doesn’t like cheese.”
The results were incredible. His constant runny nose cleared up almost instantly. All of his issues with the “stomach flu” went away. All of my friends were telling me that it’s normal for a three- or four-year-old to get sick frequently. But I knew there was more to it. He’s been incredibly healthy, and even his asthma has improved.
Our only trouble with Lucas at mealtime is that he’s somewhat picky. We’ve made huge strides in this area, I’m happy to say. We’ve never given in to his picky eating. We took a slow and steady approach, just putting green stuff on his plate every night. He will always choose a burger and fries, but I’m happy to report that he will now happily eat a large serving of green beans, peas, broccoli, salad, and many other vegetables that we never thought he would eat!
Behavior
Lucas has always been my more compliant child. He says “yes, mommy” when I call his name almost every single time. He will come to me when I ask him to, and he will comply with any instruction I give. I started my first-time obedience training from day one, and it’s paid off. I remember a time when he was about 2 years old. I had to meet with William’s teacher for a conference, but couldn’t get a sitter. I brought his “blanket time” blanket and a few toys, and he sat quietly during the whole conference. He stood up one time and immediately sat back down when I told him to.
And recently, I allowed them to watch TV without cleaning up first, since there were just a couple toys on the floor. Apparently Lucas is a bit of a neat-freak because he couldn’t sit down without putting them away!
We also experienced a few years of bliss with Lucas being the peace-keeper in the family. He always did what we asked, and always gave William whatever he wanted. Sadly, all great things must come to an end. Lucas began to assert himself a couple months ago. So for the first time ever, we’re dealing with sibling rivalry. In some ways, I’m happy to see him stand up for himself. And it’s sometimes nice that he puts William in his place. But boy, I do miss those days!
Play
As with William, I continue to place a high premium on play. I make sure there is plenty of time in their day for free play. Legos tend to consume Lucas’ free play time as well. There are many times that I think we don’t need any other toys. They all collect dust while the Legos remain spread out over the playroom floor! We also make time to play outside and take walks or go for bike rides.
Interests
Lucas’ interests have yet to fully emerge. Of my two boys, he is my sporty kid. William is great on his bike, but nothing else seems to interest him. Interestingly enough, Lucas struggles on the bike, but loves any sport with a ball. We are using a balance bike approach to teach him to ride a bike. We simply took the pedals and training wheels off his little 12″ bike. It worked well for William. Lucas is a cautious child by nature; we learned this when he didn’t start walking until he was 20 months old! So whenever the bike would slightly tip, he would freak out. Luckily, he’s finally gotten over this — and his legs have gotten longer (such a peanut he is!) — that he can happily ride. I’m guessing that next summer we’ll be able to put the pedals back on.
Aside from the bike, Lucas is great with many sports. He took a Sports Sampler class offered by our local parks and recreation department, and he loved it so much, we did three sessions last year. He learned to play soccer, T-ball, and basketball. It’s a shame he’s too young for football because that boy could throw a perfect spiral when he was three! The jury is still out on whether he’s academically gifted, but his crazy ability to throw a ball is certainly a gift!
An Update on My Kids: William, Age 8
Thanks to everyone who voted in my poll! As I think ahead to addressing more daily life issues, I thought it would be helpful to update you on my kids. Today, it’s all about my oldest, William. He turned 8 years old in August, and he’s currently in second grade.
School
You may notice that William is slightly older for his grade. He made the school cut-off date by two weeks, so we decided to wait and have him be one of the oldest in his grade, rather than the youngest. Maturity was a main factor. School continues to be William’s primary focus. Since we’re homeschooling this year, I get to control everything he’s learning. A naturally bright child, William has a pretty easy time with school. I rarely have to teach something twice. Because of this, I tend to expect a lot from him when it comes to school. I don’t want to let his great mind go to waste, nor do I want him to go through life thinking everything is easy.
Every day, he spends about 45-60 minutes each on his daily writing journal and Math. And throughout the week, we alternate History, grammar, more writing, Spanish, Art, test prep, and other subjects. I have him doing third grade material in almost every subject, and I like to push him a bit even more when I think he can handle it. For example, in his Writing with Ease book (level 3), the authors provide a passage to be read, and the child is supposed to verbally narrate the story, and the parent writes down the summary that the child provided. Well, William is perfectly capable of writing his own summary.
My school plans for next year remain a mystery since we may be moving. I’m going to have him tested for our school district’s gifted program, partly because I’m curious to know whether he would get in, and partly because I want to keep my options open if we end up staying here. William is a very social child, so public and private school for next year are in the back of my mind. We will see.
Therapy
Beyond school, occupational therapy takes up a significant chunk of William’s time. He was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) when he was 5, and we’ve been getting occupational therapy ever since. He currently goes twice a week, and we use his Integrated Listening System (for auditory processing, his biggest challenge) at home once a week. He’s had the same therapist for about a year now, and he’s making great strides. The work they’re doing on reflex integration seems to be working well. When he’s overexcited and having a hard time settling down, I can do his reflex exercises and it relaxes him instantly.
Sleep
William needs about 10-11 hours of sleep every night. He seems to have a deficit of natural melatonin, so we aided his sleep with melatonin (a tiny dose) for a couple years. During the summer, I decided to see if he could go without it. He had really developed a psychological dependence on it. He still struggles with sleep, but since we’re homeschooling, I can let him sleep late in the morning if he falls asleep late at night. And we figured out a trick to keep his pesky brother from waking him up at the crack of dawn. :)
Meals
William continues to be my better eater, which is lucky because his diet is complicated! When he was 4, we started modifying his diet with the help of a naturopath. (We hadn’t yet figured out the SPD and I’d heard of behavior modification through diet.) William’s restricted diet means he can’t have wheat, dairy, soy, other gluten, eggs, bananas, avocados. Food dyes also cause behavior problems. It’s tough, but we’ve got it all figured out now.
On top of his diet limitations, we have to monitor his blood sugar for (undiagnosed) hypoglycemia. Before I figured this one out, our day was a total roller coaster ride. He’d go from bouncing off the walls one minute to crying on the floor for no reason the next. We manage it with frequent meals and snacks, a balance of sugar, fat, and protein, and a strict policy of him starting every day and every meal with protein. His favorite snack is a homemade trail mix that includes almonds and dried mangos. And we eat peanut butter like it’s going out of style!
Behavior
Because of everything we’ve got going on with William (possible giftedness, sleep deficits, sensory/auditory processing issues, food intolerances and blood sugar fluctuations), behavior continues to be a focus. At age 8, any other child would stay near the parent at the store, know what volume is appropriate for his voice, immediately respond with “yes, mommy” when the parent calls from the other room, and more. He’s three years older than his brother, yet he is very much my more challenging child. He aims to please in most situations, so we just have to be on top of our game and recognize when he’s having an auditory processing issue or whether he’s choosing to ignore us. It’s never an easy task!
My work on first-time obedience with William has paid off. For the most part, when I call his name, he will respond with “yes, mommy.” But there are times when I need to make sure I’m near him and he can sense my presence. Sometimes I have to put my hand on his shoulder when I call his name. Calling his name and getting a “yes, mommy” and eye contact is huge with William. Without it, I would never know if he was disobeying by choice or whether he just didn’t hear me. There are times when I get a “yes, mommy” without eye contact, so I will wait or simply say “eyes” before I give him an instruction. I make sure I’m holding his eye contact the whole time I’m giving an instruction.
Play
I continue to place a high premium on play for my boys. I make sure there is plenty of time in their day for free play. Legos tend to consume his free play time. We also make time to play outside and take walks or go for bike rides.
Interests
William is a very creative, artistically inclined child. I require a drawing in his daily writing journal, and they are always very detailed. He draws for fun, and likes to create his own comic strips. His illustrations are quite impressive!
E-Book Sale Ends Today!
This is just a quick post to remind you that the holiday sale on my e-book ends today (my 16th anniversary)! You have until midnight (PT) to get it at the reduced price of $7.99. Check it out here.
If you’ve read my e-book, I’d love to hear your feedback. Help others decide whether or not they should purchase it. Is it helpful? Has it helped you train your child in first-time obedience? Let me know!
Discover and Hone Your Child’s Interests
If you’re like me, you’re thinking about the coming year and the many activities that are available to our children. In truth, most kids begin their activities in the fall with the start of the school year, but there’s nothing like the fresh start of a new year to ensure we’re following our child’s interests when it comes to their activities.
First of all, let me be upfront with the fact that I am not a proponent of signing kids up for activities just for the sake of keeping them busy. Kids are so busy these days! Let them rest and play after a long day at school, and make family dinners a priority. These early years at home are so important and will do so much more for your child’s social and emotional development than any soccer club or karate class.
With that in mind, step back a minute and assess your child’s activities. Does he have too many? Too few? Most importantly, are they addressing his interests?
I have seen a few soccer games where the kids don’t seem to be having much fun. It often seems like it’s more about the parents and coaches than it is about the children. The same goes for any tutoring or “educational enrichment” classes. Of course, fun probably isn’t the goal there, but nonetheless, assessing the need is key.
The first priority in assessing your child’s activities is to make sure you are discovering and honing his interests. What is your child most interested in? I feel activities need to center around the child’s interests because this is where the child will truly learn. A child forced to join Cub Scouts when his true passion is playing the piano does the child a real disservice.
I’m reminded of the book Outliers by Malcom Gladwell. The author says that to reach true success, it takes a bit of timing and good luck, but also lots of practice. Specifically 10,000 hours, he says. So if our hope is that our child will reach success the likes of Bill Gates, then we must first find what will inspire and guide the child toward greatness. Then we give him the opportunity to get their 10,000 hours in.
Realize that choosing the 10,000-hour activity for the child won’t do any good. The child has to have the inner drive to want to put in all those hours. So if you’re dragging a sporty kid to piano practice and violin lessons, I suspect you’ll be met with great resistance.
William, my oldest, inspires me with his inspiration. He is truly gifted in many things. I will say that we are still defining his one or two interests. His top interest at this point is drawing. In his free time, he writes comic strips. They are very detailed and very funny! I haven’t yet felt the need to sign him up for a drawing class because I’d like to see how this interest morphs on its own, without an outside influence. I cultivate this interest by giving him plenty of time to draw, encouraging him by sharing his drawings and comics with others, and by giving him the materials he needs. I bought him a book for Christmas that gives step-by-step directions for drawing cartoon people!
Another interest of William’s is piano. This kid amazes me with his ear. He learned to play “Deck the Halls” by listening to it in a commercial and pounding it out on the keyboard. We’re taking Suzuki piano lessons, and I love that it teaches him to play by ear, but I have to say, I’m not thrilled with the lessons. I feel like we might benefit more by devoting that time at home on the piano. This remains to be seen.
Lucas, my five-year-old, is my sporty one. The child could throw a perfect spiral with his little football at the age of 3. I have him in a sports class at our homeschool co-op. When we have the time, I’ll sign him up for flag football or t-ball. Beyond sports, we’re still waiting to see what other interests emerge. He takes the same piano lessons William does, but he gets less time on the piano. I’m not sure it’s an interest or talent of his. Besides, at his age, I think imaginative play at home is more important than any activity that I could sign him up for.
As you look ahead to a new year, what interests has your child shown? Are you doing your best to hone those skills with the right amount of outside activities?