Betrivers Net Casino By understanding the rules, the dealer gets two cards in Australian Blackjack one face up. Betrivers net casino when your streak ends, the other hidden. How To Use Paypal For Online Gambling … [More...]
Archives for October 2012
React swiftly but have a plan
When our children misbehave, reacting swiftly and quietly can have a much greater impact than giving a warning or waiting to see if they’ll stop. But to react swiftly, we must have a plan.
For example, when you see your toddler throwing toys, I’m sure there’s no doubt in your mind that this is not a behavior you allow. I’m sure the child knows it as well. So what do you do? Do you tell him to stop? Do you plead with him? Do you try to reason with him?
Actions speak louder than words. So when you see such a behavior, simply stop what you’re doing and react swiftly but calmly. You might take your child by the hand and guide him to his room for a timeout. Or you might simply take the toy away. Guiding him by his hand without saying a word or even having an angry expression on your face will surprise the child. He won’t know for sure what’s going on until you sit him on his bed and walk away. It eliminates any chance for a tantrum or that spaghetti legs thing they know works so well.
By the same token, if you take the toy away, simply take it and walk away. If he knows he threw it and he knows it’s wrong, you taking it away will send the message. When he asks for it back, then you can tell him why you took it away.
You’ll notice that both examples, however, require having a plan. Acting calmly and swiftly can only happen if you have a plan. If you see your child throwing toys but aren’t quite sure what to do, you will hesitate and your actions won’t be as powerful. You might also think that reasoning with him will work.
Not having a plan will also increase the likelihood that you’ll act out of anger and frustration. And when they know they can get a rise out of us, some kids see that as score 1 for the child–not to mention the fact that correction done in anger is simply less effective.
“It’s natural for parents to react spontaneously to negative behavior. You see defiance and boom, you jump on it. But before you jump, you stop and think. You must act for the child’s good. Recklessly reacting in the heat of the moment isn’t the best plan.” (On Becoming Childwise, p. 135)
So take the time to think through your child’s most chronic misbehaviors and come up with a consequence for each. Then decide on your “go to” consequence for every other behavior problem that presents itself. We use timeouts as our “go to” consequence. Read more here on how to create a discipline plan.
Second-hand TV
We all know that we need to limit our children’s exposure to second-hand smoke. We also know that we are told to limit the amount of TV that they watch. But how many of you know that we are now being told to limit the amount of “second hand TV” they watch?
How often is the TV on in your home, just as background noise? Even if our kids aren’t sitting in front of the TV and watching it, simply having it on can be harmful. A recent article on NPR.org says:
“Researchers who conducted a national survey of kids’ exposure to TVs droning on in the background say, ‘The amount of exposure for the average child is startling.’ How much is it, exactly? Try just under four hours a day for the typical kid.”
But, you may be asking, What’s the harm in having the TV on if the child isn’t sitting and watching? There are several reasons.
“Well, the researchers write, background TV may lower the quality of interactions between parents and kids, lower kids’ performance on tasks that require real thinking and drain kids’ attention during playtime.”
Follow the link above to read the full article. But if you do nothing else, make a concerted effort to turn the TV off, especially if nobody is watching. One compromise I’ve made with my husband during football season is that he’ll put the TV on mute. If the kids are playing in a nearby room, a TV on mute won’t affect them.
I’ve made a commitment to keeping a close eye on the amount of TV my kids watch. And now, I will start paying attention to their exposure to “second-hand TV.”
Character in action
Have you ever stopped to think about the fundamentals of building a moral foundation in your child? I think we can all agree that respect, honor, and honesty are the biggies. But how exactly can we determine if our children have a handle on these attributes? The answer: look to their actions.
“The quality of your character and that of your children is best exemplified by the presence of absence of three attributes: respect, honor, and honesty. These are action terms. Having an attitude of respect, honor, and honesty is not enough; there must be an ongoing demonstration of the three,” (Growing Kids God’s Way, p. 90).
Establishing a moral foundation in our children is much more than teaching them what respect, honor, and honesty look like. They must do more than simply understand the basics of these virtues. They need to know how to demonstrate them in their actions.
“Respect, honor, and honesty are critical fibers in the moral fabric of our being. To respect our fellow man is to honor him, and to honor him is to live honestly before him. The parent’s job is to take the intangible concepts of respect, honor, and honesty and make them tangible — to take their abstract meanings and make them concrete. They must show their children what moral truth looks like,” (Growing Kids God’s Way, p. 90-91.)
Leading by example is certainly important in this endeavor. But simply being able to recognize these attributes in our children goes a long way toward making sure we’re fulfilling our duties as parents.
Honestly, it’s not often that I think about my children’s character. I think for the most part, it’s natural to only question their character when we see something go wrong. It’s not often that an action showing respect or honesty will call our attention. It’s simply what we expect. But it’s nice when it does happen.
Recently, a friend commented on how sweet my kids were being with her baby. Not only do I appreciate the fact that they were being gentle with her, but I loved that they were interested in her. Too many kids would simply walk by a baby, completely disinterested. My kids sat with her, chatted with her, and even marveled at her chubby little fingers. Lucas tended to play with her as if she were a doll, but William was interested in her as a human being. And he was doing so in a very respectable, honorable way. It was very sweet just to watch them together.
The next time you’re out, at the park or wherever, just sit back and watch. Do your children show respect, honor, and honesty in their actions? If so, well done!
Happy birthday, Lucas!
There’s an exclamation point in that title, but I’m not feeling so happy about this day. Today is Lucas’ 5th birthday. How my baby has been on this earth for 5 years is completely beyond me. I remember the day he was born so vividly it could have been yesterday.
His birth and the months following it were not ideal. My husband was working in harm’s way in Kuwait, we were held at the Children’s Hospital at 2 days old against our will (for no medical reason), we had a scary bout of RSV which sent us to the hospital for good reason, and we had a child in the house whose sensory issues were coming to a head but weren’t yet diagnosed. But we weathered the storm, and our bond grew even stronger because of it all.
The reason this day makes me sad is there’s something about the number 5 that signifies the end of babyhood. There’s no denying that he’s no longer a baby or toddler. And while he’s technically in pre-K, he’s barely even a preschooler.
But he’s still my baby. He’s losing that baby belly, but he’s still got the squishy, chubby cheeks. He’s still got the chubby fingers. He will still hold his lovey. He still says “lellow.” He will still let me rock him in the rocking chair before naps. He’s still taking naps! He’s all too willing to let me feed him. He lets me hold him. He sits on my lap any chance he gets.
There’s a part of me that wonders if he wants to stay little as much as I want him to. When I ask him if he’ll stay little for me, he doesn’t always refuse. If only we had control over it.
So while I may not be able to keep him little, I will spend his birthday appreciating the little things. Instead of telling him to keep his hands off the windows, I will marvel at how little his hands still are. Instead of feeling frustrated by how unwilling he is to eat his peas, I’ll happily spoon them into his mouth. Instead of complaining about how heavy he is, I will be more than happy to carry him to bed.
And instead of cringing as he runs off to play as independently as the big kids, I will smile knowing that he will always be my baby.
Are you on the same page?
Are you and your spouse reading from the same playbook when it comes to parenting your child? Perhaps you discussed your parenting ideals even before you married. Or did you have a child, wait for problems to creep up and then start thinking about how you want to parent? Or worse, have you still not come up with a plan?
If you’re reading this blog, my guess is that the latter doesn’t apply. But how much of a planner are you? And do you discuss it all with your spouse? Does he or she agree with you?
There’s nothing like differing parenting styles to throw a wrench into the marriage. If one parent is a super-strict, legalistic parent who doesn’t know the meaning of the word “childishness” and the other is a permissive conflict-avoider, there are bound to be a few arguments. Even if one parent provides the majority of the child care duties, the child is half of each of you, so you each have equal rights in deciding how to raise the child.
The only problem is that this is confusing to the child. Even a toddler is keen enough to realize that you don’t provide a united front. As this child ages, he’ll know to ask permissive dad for anything that strict mom might say “no” to. And while conflict-avoider dad might have an easier time saying “yes” to everything, he won’t know what to do when the child refuses to comply with a simple request. Permissiveness is all well and good — until we have to ask the child to do something he doesn’t want to do (to say nothing of the long-term ramifications).
The ultimate — and potentially most damaging — ramification of differing parenting styles is the judgment that can creep into the marriage. When two parents don’t agree on how to parent, mom or dad will start to feel protective of the child and the judgment takes over. Instead of mom and dad standing together, one parent stands with the child against the other parent. Not good.
So what do you do if you find yourself in this position? Leave the judgment on the table and talk it out. Have an open conversation where nobody’s ideas are shot down. Come up with some real-life examples of troublesome behaviors and discuss how you each parented and the results you each achieved. Then meet in the middle. It might even help to take a parenting class or two and read some parenting books. Go to a bookstore and you each choose the book that appeals to you most. Then have the other parent read that book. Glean a few ideas from each book and come up with your middle-of-the-road plan.
No matter how you approach it, being on the same parenting page is good for your marriage and for your child. Creating that page and sticking to it will be well worth the time and effort you put into it. You’ll trade conflict and judgment for peace, harmony and a compliant child!