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Archives for September 2012
What to do when they question your authority
Question your authority? Never! :) However we may want to deny it, our kids will always question our authority. The point is that we need to have a plan for what to do when they do. We had a little interaction the other day that went like this:
- My husband: “William, leave the stick here in the woods.”
- William: “Why?” he asks as he holds on to the stick.
- My husband: “As much as I hate to say it: because I said so.”
- William: “But why can’t I bring the stick with me?”
It was pretty clear to my husband and me that William wasn’t genuinely curious about why he should leave sticks in the woods. He was trying to get my husband to change his mind about the stick. Asking why was his way of trying to hold on to that stick without directly defying my husband.
Nonetheless, no matter what was going on in his head, he was disobeying (delayed obedience is disobedience) and he was questioning my husband’s authority to tell him what to let go of the stick.
But it’s easy for parents to get caught up in the “why.” We always want to answer their questions and encourage their curiosity. And we may tell ourselves that they really do want to know the answer to their question.
So how do we handle this? Answer them AFTER they obey. If they truly are curious, they’ll still ask the question after they obey. If they don’t ask the question after they obey, then you know that they are questioning your authority. They are only asking “why” to get you to change your mind.
When my kids do ask “why” before obeying, I will simply say “yes, mommy” with an expectant tone, letting them know that the only acceptable response at that moment is “yes, mommy” and obedience.
Patience
Do you consider yourself to be a patient parent? We are nothing as parents without patience.
Kids will be kids. We parents need to have the patience and understanding to know that our kids are unpredictable, loud, frustrating, and disobedient. To manage everything they throw at us, we need to react calmly and patiently–otherwise we’ll drive ourselves and our children mad.
A basic understanding of what makes our children tick goes a long way toward building our patience. When we know and understand our children, it’s not often that we’re caught off guard by their behavior. Just recently, I realized that my boys tend to wrestle when they’re bored. Before, I thought it was just something they did because they are boys. When the wrestling gets out of hand and someone gets hurt, it can make a crazy mom out of me. But when I simply offer them a new activity, I can prevent the wrestling altogether. In the event that I don’t prevent them from wrestling, simply understanding why it happens helps improve my patience.
Sleep can also be a huge factor in improving patience. That goes for both parent and child. There’s no doubting the fact that our fuse is shorter when we’re tired. And our kids have less self-control when they’re tired. It’s so simple, but so important.
By the same token, eating healthy meals is important in improving patience. When our bellies are full and we’re well nourished by healthy meals, we’ll have one less reason to be short with our kids.
I could go on but I’ll finish with one last piece of advice: have fun! When life is all work and no play, it frustrates everyone. Having fun with our kids helps us learn to throw caution to the wind. It helps us forget that the laundry needs to be done, that the table needs to be set, that the child is being too rowdy, and whatever else that ails you. So get out. Get silly. Take the kids to the park and play freeze tag. Or sit down and play cars or princesses. Let yourself get immersed in your child’s life and you’ll start to see things from his perspective, and ultimately find yourself more patient with every passing day.