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Archives for January 2012
Last chance!
Thank you all for the resounding support of my eBook! It came together quite by accident, and I never expected it to be so popular. I am humbly grateful!
If you haven’t yet seen what all the fuss is about, take a look! Today is your last chance to get Live in Harmony with First-Time Obedience at the holiday price of $6.99. You have until midnight Pacific Time today (Monday, January 9) to make your purchase. On Tuesday, the price goes up to $9.99.
If you like the book and have recommend it to friends, you might want to become an affiliate and earn a few dollars (30%) for every copy you sell. You don’t need a blog to do so. You can promote it via email, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and more. The affiliate sign-up process is very simple! Learn more.
Thanks!
~Maureen
Live in Harmony with First-Time Obedience: Holiday price ends Monday!
If you haven’t had a chance to preview my eBook, Live in Harmony with First-Time Obedience, you might want to do so this weekend. The special holiday price of $6.99 ends on Monday. After Monday, the book will be priced at $9.99. Go to www.childwisechat.com/ebook to get your copy. Click on the cover image here to see a sample of the book.
Lest you think that the eBook is a simple compilation of what’s on this blog, let me assure you that there is a lot of new content in the eBook. Compare the table of contents to the blog to see for yourself.
If you’re not yet convinced, let me explain why first-time obedience is so important. The following is excerpted from the eBook.
First-time obedience sets clear expectations
Why should a child have to factor in your mood, the time of day and the weather when calculating how quickly to obey?
Teach obedience and you don’t have to teach anything else
With a firm handle on first-time obedience, your child will pick up his toys when asked. Simply ask him to brush his teeth, and he will. Even tell him to stop crying, and he will. Obedience is all that is needed.
Delayed obedience is disobedience
It’s this simple idea that helps us strive toward the “first-time” aspect of first-time obedience. How many parents do you know who count to three to get their child to obey? Without a fundamental respect for authority, every request becomes a battle to be fought.
Teach the child to obey your word
Never give a command you don’t intend to enforce. By training yourself to be consistent, your child can learn to obey your word.
Obedience naturally affects self-control
Once you start working on first-time obedience, tantrums and other losses of self-control will naturally fade away. Although training a child in first-time obedience is a tall order, it saves parents from having to discipline many other behavior problems.
Consistency is a must!
If you flip-flop between being lax and following through with a heavy hand, the child has no idea what to expect. The only way to expect consistent obedience is to consistently follow through yourself.
Training happens when the stakes are low
When we teach first-time obedience in a child’s early years, we can actively teach him how to navigate his world. We can allow him to make mistakes before those mistakes have huge repercussions.
Training comes first; trust comes later
This is what makes first-time obedience so promising. If you can train a child to obey the first time when they are little, you can fill those early years with important teachings, leaving you with many more years of a trusting, loving relationship after your important teaching work has been done.
If you agree that first-time obedience is important and want to learn how to train your child, get your copy of the eBook today!
My favorite Ezzo-isms
There are several sayings that get repeated throughout the Ezzo community, and for good reason. If you commit these sayings to memory, they will guide you through your parenting journey. Here are my favorites:
The child is a welcome member of the family but is not the center of it.
Read more about child-centered parenting.
Great marriages make great parents.
Let your child see that you value your marriage. Let the stability of your marriage serve as the foundation for the child and family. Learn more about the marriage priority.
Never give a command you don’t expect to be obeyed.
Read more about saying what you mean and meaning what you say.
Constantly reminding a child to do what is expected only means you have no expectation.
This is the crux of first-time obedience. Give your instruction one time! Learn more about first-time obedience in my eBook, Live in Harmony with First-Time Obedience.
Holiness is more important than happiness.
Teach the value of living with contentment. Learn more.
Obedience is only the beginning.
Parents should aim to eventually transition from leading by authority to leading by influence. At first, our children obey out of duty. Eventually, a child must exchange obedience (duty to comply) for submission (desire to comply).
Actions precede beliefs
In our roles as teachers to our children, it’s important to remember this simple phrase: actions precede beliefs. While we teach our morals and values, we must not forget to teach the actions that portray those beliefs, especially before the child is old enough to understand or internalize those beliefs.
“With young children (under five years of age), the pattern of right behavior should precede the knowledge of right behavior. Do not wait until your child is old enough to understand right from wrong before encouraging him to do right and avoid wrong,” (Growing Kids God’s Way, p. 101).
There are several instances in our daily lives where this phrase comes into play. You don’t wait until a child feels empathy for others before you teach him to share his toys. You don’t wait until a child understands the fundamentals of ownership and economics before you teach him not to steal candy from a store.
These are the more obvious examples. When we consider the fact that we are teaching our children the fundamental value of respecting others, there are many more examples of this principle that play out in our daily lives. Consider the following:
- You teach a child not to take all the toys off a store shelf before he understands that other shoppers will have a harder time seeing the toys.
- You teach a child not to dump out all his toy bins on the floor before he understands the value of organization.
- You teach a child to work diligently at a puzzle before he understands the value of hard work (and that hard work will serve him well in school).
- You teach a child to perform certain chores before he understands the value of living in a clean home.
Include moral training with action training
While it’s important to realize that many young children aren’t yet capable of internalizing the belief behind the actions we expect, we must still work to teach those beliefs. Many times, we forget to teach our children why we expect certain behaviors. We teach them not to get rowdy in a store, but do we take the time to explain that we don’t want them bothering others or knocking items off the shelf (requiring the parent or the clerk to clean them up)?
When we teach the moral or practical belief behind the actions we expect, we are much more likely to get obedience from the child. When they are capable of understanding the reasons behind a necessary action, they are more likely to internalize the need for the action.
This works well with my boys when we are out in public. I notice that too often, they are lost in their own little worlds. But when I take a minute to point out the other people in the store or restaurant, they pay attention and I can see their little wheels turning. It’s one thing for mom to require restaurant manners, but when they see that their manners affect other adults (who maybe aren’t as forgiving), they take notice.
Let me summarize the idea with this:
- Focus on the action only = the child doesn’t learn the belief
- Focus on the belief only = the child doesn’t learn the action
- Focus on the belief too early = the child doesn’t demonstrate the action until too late
- Focus on the action then the belief = the child lives harmoniously with others
There’s a fine balance between teaching actions vs. teaching beliefs. With toddlers, we focus on the action with minor mention of the beliefs. With older children (over age 5), we can start to rely on the fact that their beliefs will guide their actions. But this cannot happen unless we have taken the time to teach the beliefs that are important to us.